The Goth, the Witch and the Weeaboo
by Cypher DS
Summary: There's a hidden world of magic in Glenberry and Zoey wants in! With the help of mall brat Lillian, the cybergoth witch puts out a call for woke, young women to join her coven of supernatural investigators. But when Zoey's first recruit turns out to be a 'Japanese' girl named Suki, will her sisterhood collapse in a mess of problematic pandemonium? Ganbatte, Zoey-senpai!
1. Double-Double, This Coffee is Trouble!

**The Goth, the Witch and the Weeaboo**

**by Cypher DS**

**o**

A cozy, urban eatery like the Nutmeg Cafe was hardly the spot for trading ghost stories. To Lillian Aurawell, however, expectations were made to be defied. The twin-tailed goth made it her life's mission to confront everything wholesome and proper and to shove a middle finger up its ornery butt.

"-and then like, this Anton guy totally starts peeling off his face! Like it's a mask or something. And it like, totally comes off! And underneath? Like, he's this freaky lizard-demon monster from hell!"

Zoey Greene nodded calmly as she recorded Lillian's supernatural encounter into her research notebook. "And this creature, he kidnapped your fairy helper?"

"My love coach, totally! Like, Kyu was gonna help me score soooo much dick and then this ass-hat like, comes along and totally cockblocks my wing-woman! Like, seriously? _Seriously?_"

Zoey did her best to ignore her companion's two-word vocabulary. _Fertility sprites. Capable of invisibility. Possible connection to my own supernatural assault?_ Slowly but surely, she could see the silken threads extending into glittering webs. Now if only that Lady_Sapphire blogger who'd posted about the fairy invaders would reply to her PMs, they'd have pay dirt!

"This information is invaluable, Lillian. I can't thank you enough for all you've shared." One step closer. One step closer to reaching the realm of the arcane!

Lillian's ambitions were far more mundane.

"Like, I'm just totally stoked someone finally, like, believes me 'n shit. Y'ever get that feeling you're like, the last sane person on the planet?"

_Every. Single. Day._

"Well, Lillian, you don't have to worry anymore," smiled the girl in the canary-yellow corset, the purple, PVC mini-skirt and the spiked welding goggles. "I can assure you I am 100 percent woke and completely sane."

Then Zoey frowned, wiggling a finger under her blue dreadfalls to get at her ear. "What's that ringing sound?"

"Ringing sound?"

"... Never mind."

Zoey had notes to transcribe and she needed silence but Lillian pestered on, so desperate to be validated.

"So, we're seriously gonna do this, right? Like, start a cult to track down all these magical monsters 'n shit?"

"Not a cult, Lillian - a _coven_. A sisterhood of the mystic arts. Like our Wiccan foremothers, our coven will strip away the veil of the arcane until all truths lie exposed beneath us. We will spread open the world's mysteries and we will penetrate the very core of all that is magical and mysterious!"

"Mmh, fuuuck, Zoe! You get my nips sooo hard when you talk like that."

Zoey squinted. Very carefully, she gathered her papers back onto her half of the table, drawing a clear border line between her and the horny white girl.

Incapable of taking a hint, Lillian kept needling for her attention.

"Oh, I like, totally started putting those posters up around town. I even got a reply!"

"That's nice," Zoey nodded, too busy spreading star charts over her half of the table. Lillian tapped her purple fingernails against the sky map.

"Like, what's that?"

"Astrology charts." Zoey pulled out her compass and sextet. _If Mars is scheduled at these coordinates..._

"No shit, you do horoscopes too?"

Zoey rolled her eyes.

"First of all, they're astrological fortunes. Second, this isn't your grandmother's generic newspaper guessing game. I'm developing an algorithm that'll provide customized fortunes according to one's intersectionality."

"Inter-whatsit-whosit?"

Zoey's tools clinked onto the table. _Seriously? Seriously?_

_"Intersectionality._ It's a social science - a social _truth_ \- that that explains how our identities contribute to a system of oppression and discrimination."

"umm..."

Zoey sighed and switched to her prepared 'baby talk'.

"Look, Western society was built to cater to white, able-bodied, cis-het men. If you don't fit that bill, you get dog piled with discrimination, persecution and a lifetime of micro-aggressions."

"uhhh..."

"No shirt, no shlong, no service."

The lightbulb finally fucking clicked.

"Ohhh, so it's like, class perks in Dungeons 'n Dragons! Hey, this one time? I made an Elven necromancer and she had this bitchin' plus-4 to -"

Lillian caught herself mid-slip.

"It was my cousin Mikey's campaign, all right? Like, I only signed up 'cause he's totally hot."

_Where do I even start...?_

"Well, you're right in that it's all about _class_." To demonstrate, Zoey brought out her abacus and tilted the beads right and left. Have, have not. Have, have not. Then she stacked them to the right to establish her baseline.

"Your typical white male is maxed-out on privilege. They can say anything offensive, dress as they please; rob, pillage and rape without even a slap on the wrist."

"kaaay..."

"You, on the other hand are a female." Zoey slid one row to the left. Have not.

"However, you're also from white, European stock." Two rows stayed on 'have'.

"You're cis-gendered but you suffer a respiratory disability." One have, one not. Lillian seemed to be catching on.

"No shit, my inhaler? Oh hey, and I'm homeless!"

"_Experiencing_ homelessness," Zoey corrected. _Honestly, you'd think the schools these days would teach person-centric language. _"But you're right, being kicked out by your parents reduced a ton of your privilege."

"That's right! My fuckin' mom totally gave me the boot! I'm 'too much to handle' or some shit."

Lillian took a finger and flicked a whole three rows to 'have not'. _Now_, Zoey thought, _for the tricky part._

"As for your sexuality, you're ... what? Heterosexual? ... Bisexual?"

Lillian leveled a sensual smile as she leaned across the table.

"I'm _black widow spider-sexual. _If it wanders into my web, I'll tie it down, I'll crawl on top and I'll suck it off sooo good."

She was doing it again. Underneath the table, the toe of her boot was rubbing Zoey's shin. Zoey coughed and moved her legs away.

"Right, pansexual. Further privilege loss."

Lillian snatched up the abacus and analyzed the even spread of left and right.

"Huh, I did pretty good. What about you, Zoe?"

Zoey took back the abacus. The beads slammed hard left.

"Oh. That bad?"

"Worse than bad. Black, female, genderqueer, in for surgeries since I was twelve, liberal since I was fifteen, a cam girl dependent on the sex trade _and_ a Wiccan." She did her best to keep stoic under the harsh truth. "The whole world is stacked against me."

"Girl, like ... whoa. Mind blown."

"Mm. That's why our work here is so important, Lillian. If we can make contact with the supernatural world, learn the ways of magic - learn a system outside the rules -"

Zoey spun her abacus upside-down.

"We can overturn the entire system."

"Fuck yeah! Magic missile right up your ass, old man!"

Well, she couldn't fault the white girl her enthusiasm.

"Man, Zoe, you're legit smart. You'd totally be a Ravenclaw prefect."

"Lillian, what did I tell you about mentioning the TERF queen?"

The goth girl rolled her eyes.

"We do not platform the trolls, I know. I know."

Some frustrated mutter about 'squibs' and 'buzzkills' passed her lips. Zoey didn't pay it any mind. The barista had finally arrived with their drinks.

"Order's up." Zoey rolled her eyes at the serving girl's blue dye job. _Classic sad, cis-het girl - so desperate to stand out and get a man to pork her_.

Zoey popped the lid off her cup as she fished out her herb pouches. A dash of thyme, a sprinkle of mugwort and her spiritual powers would be energized for the day. Instead, she came to a full stop.

A steaming, opaque liquid stared up at her. A steaming, _cream-coloured_ liquid.

The ringing in her ears frothed into a static roar.

"Excuse me? What is this? Is this _milk_?"

"Huh?" If the question startled her, the barista was doubly surprised to see her customer practically lunging into her face. "Umm, you did ask for -"

"Do you drink from your mother's teat?"

"What?"

"Would you go up to a cow, crawl underneath its udder and sup its milk?"

"Oh my god, what is wrong with you?"

"Then by the all-mother, why would you serve me this defiled swill?"

Heads began turning. She had an audience. _Perfect._

"Even a worker drone like you must know milk comes from female bovines - animals forced to endure an artificial pregnancy so their lifeblood can be harvested by a foreign species. You're not just serving me tea with milk - you're serving slavery and exploitation in its purest form! This is patriarchy in a paper cup!"

"Yeah, dicks in a cup!" Lillian echoed.

The bluenette blinked at the double-pronged assault.

"Umm... we have a health inspector's certificate behind the counter if you wanna -"

"Enough!"

Zoey took a deep breath.

"The little things, I can endure - forgetting my pronouns, denying me service when I take off my boots; telling me to 'quiet down, ma'am, there's children here' - but you just took this from 'micro-aggression' to fuckin' attempted murder, bitch! I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!"

With that, the spoiled cup slam-dunked onto the floor like a shrapnel bomb, splattering the barista's jeans and a good three or four nearby customers.

"Oh my god... Brody? Manager?"

"Just you wait," Zoey warned as she gathered her satchel of notebooks. "I'll bring down a curse upon this house of poison! You won't survive one more day of business!"

"Yeah! You bitches goin' down," Lillian chimed.

Zoey was already dictating the call-out tweet to her Agent-Z Twitter feed as she stormed out the door.

"Just ... survived... assassination attempt. White girl... put milk... in my tea. #LosetheLactose #BoycottNutmegCafe #SupportYourStreamer

Send! That would show them!

"Fuck you, bitch!" Lillian hollered into the shop, middle fingers blazing. "Go suck on a cow boob, you Rei Ayanami wannabe!"

Jogging to Zoey's side with her own unpaid drink in hand, Lillian shook her head.

"Holy fuck - school shooting, Nazi rallies; now this crap! Like, white people really are messed up!"

"Welcome to my life," Zoey growled.

Lillian gagged on her own drink. "What the fuck, she forgot my cream! And like, what's wrong with this coffee? What did she write down here? ... Chamomile tea?"

"Chamomile? Let me see that." Zoey squinted at the paper cup. "You ordered coffee, right?"

"Yeah. Two milks and a sugar like I alway-"

Another lightbulb clicked inside Lillian's dusty skull.

"Ohhh..."

"Huh..."

Both girls fell into a moment of silence.

"They like, totally deserved that, though."

"I know! I mean, the service there?"

"It sucked balls!"

"Preach it!"

Hearing a police siren, both girls walked a little more briskly. Because of the autumn cold, naturally.

* * *

Nine blocks and four overworked lungs later, Lillian made her offer.

"Hey, wanna get some grub? I know this bakery that tosses out _the best_ day-olds evah!"

"Don't get me wrong," Zoey panted back, "I'm all for sustainability and urban foraging but I have a lecture in half an hour and I'm streaming at five."

Lillian had thankfully perfected the art of being like, totally unfazed and whatever.

"Oh. Yeah, that's cool. Guess I'll go charge my phone at the library, see if I can nab some quarters from the supermarket carts."

The street girl's itinerary made Zoey wince.

"You can hang out on campus," Zoey assured her. "Remember, if anyone asks why you're in the auditoriums -"

"- I'm just auditing the course, I know, _mommm._"

Zoey quirked her eyebrow.

"I mean ... got it. Hey, I can still crash at your dorm room when it gets dark, right?"

"We're coven sisters," Zoey assured her. "We stick together."

A rare, shared smile passed between the two girls.

"Oh, but security's starting to keep a closer eye on the visitor log so make sure you use the back alley entrance. The service door lock's been fixed but if you climb the garbage dumpster there's a loose window you can crawl through into the boiler room."

Zoey paused. "Wash your hands before you knock on my door, okay?"

"Gotcha! Hey, I'm wicked good with back door action, y'know."

"Uh huh..." Zoey scrambled frantically for a fresh topic. "Didn't you say our posters got a hit?"

"OMG, totally! I was like, checking the coven e-mail and this chick - or she sounds like a chick - totally said she had her own 'encounter with the supernatural' or whatever. She wants in harder than a dick on wet pussy."

"Did she leave contact info?"

"Yeah, said her name's Suki."

"Suki..." That sounded Asian. _Thank the goddesses._ If this project devolved into babysitting a gaggle of white stooges, she didn't know how long she'd last.

"Forward this 'Suki' our timetable; see when she's available for an interview."

"You got it, boss bitch!"

Zoey rolled her eyes. Well,_ at least she hasn't tried for an N-word pass..._

Then a buzz from her phone - and a very specific ring tone - claimed Zoey's utmost attention. She scrabbled to unlock her communicator.

**=It's ready.=**

Zoey barely contained her squeal. "Lil, I have to go."

"Womyn's Center kicking out that faker?"

"Even better," Zoey smirked as she made a mad rush to find a free Wi-Fi spot.

_Suki... _she mused_. _Soon to be her latest acolyte in this quest to contact the magic realm.

_What wonderful Asian representation you'll provide!_

* * *

**With the new Huniepop 2 gameplay trailer released, I've been hit with a burst of inspiration! I hope you enjoy this wacky ride with a very different trio of hunies! Remember, they're not weird - you're just too normal!**


	2. BL Stands for Besto Literature, Desu!

Zoey lived her life like the occupant of a red light district apartment: she put everything on display.

To those who would listen, she had no qualms spouting her opinions on the decay of Western society and the atrocious state of womyn's rights in America. When she dressed in conformist jeans and t-shirts like a 'good girl', she made sure her wardrobe declared her opinions loudly and boldly. On today's shirt, she'd stenciled _#MakeAmericaSaneAgain_.

And if anyone asked, she'd freely admit that she was an Internet erotic actress - a 'cam girl' to the layman. Agent-Z was a hard-working, independent woman and if anyone dared to slut-shame her, she'd bring the whole of Feminist Twitter crashing down upon them faster than you could say "release the hounds".

And in all honesty, you needed a measure of acceptance after one of your cam vids went viral across the creepypasta portions of the Internet. You had to stand tall when suddenly every mouth-breathing comic book troll approached you on the street, demanding to know if you were "the SJW bitch who got her legs broken by invisible monsters".

Her lingering limp was a badge of honour, a necessary scar to activate her Wiccan powers. Break her down and she would rebuild herself stronger than ever. Zoey was proud, loud and defiant. Take it or leave it!

But there was one secret she could never share with another human soul. (Well, two if you counted her furry phase.) A horrible truth that could ruin her campus reputation as a spokesperson for womyn's rights and social justice.

And that was why, during her physics lecture, when she should have been in the front seats to see and hear clearly, Zoey hid in the furthest corner of the top-most row of the auditorium where her laptop screen was impervious to side-glances or sneak peeks from behind.

A digital voice chirped on her instant messenger feed, seeking approval.

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_Sooo, did I do good? OwO_

Zoey made a final assessment of the on-screen drawings: panting male faces, naked and glistening male chests; powerful male bulges! _Wakanda Forever!_

With a satisfied nod, Zoey typed back,

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_Cera, you've outdone yourself!__  
__Your artwork's never looked better!__  
__Page 17 where he pins the male secretary to the wall? Brilliant!_

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_Aww, arigato, sensei! I couldn't have done it without your scripts and storyboards!__  
__We make a sugoi-awesome team!__  
__Nakama 4evah! "\\_(^v^)_/"_

Yes, this was her curse, her secret shame - she, Agent Zoey Greene, was the author of an online graphic novel celebrating explicit, physical relationships between red-blooded homosexual men.

Or, in the words of her adoring followers, _Kyaaa, Blake-sama writes the coolest BL doujins ever!_

So many dismissed male erotica as shallow masturbatory aids but to Zoey, it was a wondrous social commentary; every issue a thesis on male pack dynamics.

Powerful men, dominant men; men who rocked those three piece suits. Each protagonist a modern-day warrior vying to be the 'alpha' of his workplace or social circle: The take-charge doctor determined to keep his department in check, the high-priced lawyer who directed his partnership with an iron fist; the brooding firefighter captain who refused to lose another teammate to negligence. Their steely desire to rule was rivaled only by the cool steel of their chiseled abs.

And when an outsider who was equally 'alpha' invaded their territory? Oh god, it was like watching two caged lions stalk each other! The piercing gazes, the primal grappling, the naked desire make their rival submit!

You couldn't find better sport if you locked two white girls in a shopping mall on Black Friday!

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_Isn't it delicious?__  
__Seeing the predatory behavior men use to subjugate women turned inward on themselves?__  
__It's like watching an Ouroboros devour itself!_

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_o_0;__  
__umm...__  
__Totally! :)__  
__...__  
__Also, I like looking at their bums! XD_

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_Yes, that too._

Zoey couldn't remember how long she'd been feeding this secret craving for man-flesh on man-flesh, but she'd memorized the date - nine months ago - when the inspiration had struck to dip her toes in this most inviting pond.

After all, yaoi was a female-dominated readership. What better way to spread the gospel of intersectionality than to preach it through fan-made edutainment to the women most in need of salvation?

Like Greek gods, Zoey's characters and premise had sprouted fully formed from her mind:

_"Link. John Link."_ A queer, genderfluid person of mystery who presented as male. Once a notorious jewel thief, now John robbed from the rich in privilege to give to the poor of equity.

Each issue followed a standard template: John's crowd-funding account would receive a PM from a marginalized patron requesting his assistance in calling out an institution that oppressed and demeaned them. A campus fraternity that "celebrated" Cinco de Mayo by dressing in Mexican sombreros and binging on tequila. A gown and dress boutique that sold traditional Chinese cheongsam dresses to white girls for prom night. A certain _Dump_ of a hotel chain that didn't stock their suites with shampoo for black women's hair.

As John was briefed on the offender, the reader would also learn how the patriarchy conspired to oppress them. Score! Intel gathered, John would transform into his masked alter-ego - the Social Justice Warrior! - and use his thieving skills to dig up the dirt that would publicly shame and de-platform the adversary!

Now this was a yaoi series. Inevitably, John would encounter a middle-man in the evil organization – a beefcake frat boy who knew an important laptop password; a broad-shouldered store clerk who'd pocketed an important key card or a hunk of a security guard guarding the manager's office.

John was a lover, not a fighter. If he couldn't slip past an opponent, he would deploy his utility belt's worth of seduction techniques and charm his way into their heart ... and up their butt!

Her fans called these men _Link Boys_ and there was already a small following filling in their wiki articles and ranking them into tiers.

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_(*Cera waves her hand at sensei*)__  
__Sensei, have you figured out the bad guy for issue 11?__  
__Maybe John could fight a super-mean J-Pop idol manager! XP_

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_Hmm, possibly..._

Illustrating John's erotic adventures had proven ... challenging. Zoey still cringed over her first practice sketches and the limp, deflated sex dolls that had sprouted from her digital tablet.

Enter Cera_Bella.

An accomplished Japanese-American doujinshi artist, they'd met through DeviantArt after a long search for users with affordable commission prices. For almost half a year, Zoey and Bella had collaborated on the John Link project - Zoey writing scripts and Cera transcribing her dialogue and actions into picture panels. Cera had also become a co-editor, advising Zoey when the exposition needed to be tighter and suggesting well-known manga tropes that would appeal to their core audience.

Zoey had never imagined giving John a transformation sequence or a catchphrase but she had Cera to thank for those fan-favorite moments.

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_For starters, we'd have to translate his battle cry into Japanese.__  
__(*Blake strikes the Social Justice Warrior pose*)__  
_**_"For the sake of an equitable future, I will resist your problematic ways!"_**

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_Leave that part to Cera-chan, sensei!__  
__I won't let you down!__  
__(*Cera tackle-glomps her sensei!*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_Of course you won't.__  
__(*Blake pats Cera on the head*)_

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_(^u^)_

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_Hey, are you still saving up for that trip to Tokyo?_

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_Hai! A little bit at a time.__  
__Waaah... just thinking of visiting the halls of Comiket makes my kokoro beat doki-doki~!_

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_Forget visiting.__  
__You'll be renting table space and selling our comic!_

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_Mou, sensei keeps teasing Cera-chan. Hidoi~! :(_

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_I'm not teasing. Your drawings are damn good._

Offline, Zoey allowed herself a tiny smile. _Always incorporating words and phrases from her native Japan. We need more second-generation immigrants who are that proud of their heritage!_

It thrilled Zoey to no end that she could support an up and coming minority artist. True, Cera's cultural knowledge was painfully mainstream - anime this, pop idol that - but at least this girl was steering clear of the cultural sausage-grinder that was American media. She only wished she could meet Cera in real life.

There was just one issue...

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_Blake-sensei?_

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_Yeah?_

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_Cera says this a lot but... it's motto-motto kuru how honest you are about liking BL.__  
__All the other guys I know - even the gay ones - wouldn't be caught dead reading our stuff, never mind writing it!_

Yes... one teeny, tiny phallic issue.

In Zoey's defense, it had been an honest mistake. Her BlakePanzer0 account used John Link artwork for its avatar, and though she'd created her handle as a statement on her race, sexuality and the amount of fucks she gave, there was an undeniably male overtone.

Not for the first time, Zoey's guilt-stricken fingers began typing a confessional: _Hey, Cera? You know I'm actually a girl, right?_

But every time Zoey worked up the courage, Cera hit the Enter key first.

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_So many people tell me I'm a baka fujoshi__  
__That I'm a dirty girl rubbing out her lewd, boy-on-boy fantasies__  
__but working with you, sensei, makes me strong enough to stand up and tell them_

_What we do isn't a fetish! Our work is pure and heartfelt!__  
__(*Cera fist pumps for justice!*)_  
_BL IS TRUTH!__  
__BL IS LIFE!_

Groaning, Zoey held down the Delete key. She just didn't have the heart to correct her.

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_Be proud, Cera! Never apologize for who you are._

Actually, a part of Zoey enjoyed their little cross play and the prestige of being "the Internet's only male BL fan-author". Followers treated her with more respect, they weren't so quick to criticize her story decisions and deferred to her blog explanations. _If only IRL were like that..._

She'd imagine herself as a man - tall and broad shouldered, a neon-blue goatee to go with her artfully combed dreadfalls. So suave in her casually unbuttoned dress shirt, jeans burdened with her bulging manhood. She'd swagger through the campus hallways, a proud elephant swinging its trunk from side to side.

"Penis coming through! Make way, you silly women and minorities!"

"Make way for what?"

Zoey startled back into the offline world. _Krampus, did I say that aloud?_ Her cheeks betrayed no blush but a kettle-like whistle began ringing through her ears.

Standing in front of her - kicking back with a shit-eating grin - was a six-foot tall Irishwoman with brilliant, red hair and a tank top hugging her massive breasts and bodybuilder's physique. Not the typical look or attitude of a university physics prof but such was the state of the substitute teacher pool.

Miss Tala Stone. Or as Zoey privately thought, _Miss Yumi's White Replacement. _Hands in her pockets, the mature woman flashed Zoey a lady-killer's grin.

"You know, I'm usually the most interesting part of my lectures. Found something good there?"

Zoey shut her laptop before Miss Stone could steal a glance.

"I'm studying."

"I'll bet. Pretty kinky stuff those boys on screen got up to. Now, if you could get two ladies in those poses, I'd be reading in a heartbeat, but to each their own."

The tea kettle in Zoey's ears boiled over.

"It was a pop-up ad. I only glanced at it for a second."

"Well it must have been an intense second. Class ended five minutes ago."

Crap, the lecture hall really had emptied. Zoey scrambled to pack her things.

"Hey, sorry if I bugged you, Zoey. I know you've had it rough with that whole … _incident_ in your dorm room. I'm here if you wanna talk."

"All _I _want to talk about is when Dr. Yumi is returning." Dammit, why wouldn't her laptop get in the bag?

"Indefinite sabbatical," Miss Stone shrugged. The ringing in Zoey's ears was maddening but she had her bag shut and was ready to walk out when -

"Sure you're okay?" A chuckle. "You looked like someone cast a spell on you."

The ringing ear-kettle shook, buckled and finally shattered. _Oh, it is SO on._

"Miss Stone!" Zoey's dreadfalls spun with a whip crack. "That language is extremely offensive."

"Just a little joke."

"Oh, so my culture is a joke to you? So you're allowed to make fun of all the hardships my people have suffered?"

"... African Americans?"

"No, Wiccans! Are you aware that, compared to the average American, witches are 65% more likely to be falsely accused of supernatural crimes?"

"I gathered..."

"And I suppose you're aware that we are also 200% more likely to suffer fire-related fatalities?"

"I did see that Monty Python sketch..."

"So when you - a non-magical person - appropriates the language of spellcraft to make 'a little joke', you are promoting violence and intolerance against an oppressed minority. My culture is not your punchline!"

"Okay, okay. Sheesh." But when Zoey unscrewed her thermos to quench her thirst, Tala's nostrils flared. "Is that ... juniper in your tea?"

Hmph, so the brute did know something about Wiccan herbalism. "It is. Imbibed daily with my afternoon tea, a mixture of juniper berries and mandrake root enhances my protective wards and safeguards me from negative spirits and hexes."

"You take that every day? You _do _realize that juniper and mandrake have a diuretic effect. That they're laxatives?"

Zoey very nearly spat up.

Tala narrowed her eyes.

"_How long_ did you say you've been drinking those teas?"

"...I have to go."

"Yeah, I'll bet you do."

Dashing out the auditorium doors and clenching her thighs, Zoey barely caught the text message update from her Goth lackey.

**=Lillian=****  
**_Everything's set up. Suki says she can meet us at the library tomorrow._

_**=Agent-Z=**_**_  
_**_Good work. Gotta go._

Then on her instant message feed -

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_Ooh, almost forgot! :O__  
__I just joined a new club! :D__  
__Yatta, I'm so pumped to make some new tomodachi!_

_**=BlakePanzer0=**_**_  
_**_Great, have fun. GTG._

Then Zoey was hissing through her teeth and thinking enviously, not for the first time that day, about the many perks and privileges that came with being a man.

The women's washroom.

There was a line up!

* * *

**Tala Stone is a HuniePop OC made by my friend, Typhoon Boom. Go check out her harem-building adventures in "A Woman's Woman".**

**Get ready - next chapter, worlds collide!**


	3. Konnichiwa! Suki-chan's Campus Debut!

The following afternoon found Zoey thrumming her fingers across a library desk, desperate for any activity to ease her nerves.

_Five more minutes,__ she reassured herself. _Five more minutes until her scheduled meeting with Suki.

The U of G student library was a newer addition to the campus - ultra-modern, eco-friendly and sporting outer walls lined with floor-to-ceiling glass to promote natural lighting. In typical, short-sighted American fashion, Lillian had set the meeting at a window-side table.

_The girl's got her heart in the right place,_ Zoey conceded. The location did allow for easy people-watching (Zoey's eyes lit up whenever anyone remotely Asian-looking walked by) but dammit, could the brat not have checked the weather forecast first?

Outside, storm clouds claimed the sky and a downpour pelted the campus walkways. Sitting next to the rain-spattered glass made Zoey's heart lurch. _An ocean all around me. Trapped beneath the waves. _One teeny, tiny crack; one hairline splinter and all that water would gush in, forcing her down, down –

_Dammit, how are you people outside so chill?_ Just in front of her window, some teenage girl in a yellow _Hello Kitty_ rain jacket was prancing about like the sky _wasn't_ falling, stomping into every puddle and splashing more water at Zoey.

_Some brat waiting for mommy to finish her afternoon classes._ Shuddering, Zoey lowered her goggles and rolled one of her black tourmaline crystals against her palm, allowing its stabilizing energies to calm her mind.

_Deep breaths, just like Doctor Zelinski told you._ _The water can't get you. It can't even -_

"YO!"

"GAAH!"

Zoey's shriek earned her a chorus of irritated 'SSH's. Even Lillian needed a moment to recover.

"Umm... I was sayin, 'yo', as in 'yo, I put up the new posters'. Would've been back sooner but first I had to stick it to the man."

The goth girl twirled a black Sharpie marker, smirking at her mischief managed. Zoey just groaned.

"Must you vandalize every community messageboard you come across?"

"Like, yeah I must! Cause I'm a bad bitch who don't respect no authoritay. Relax, boss - I left the student club posters alone. I just tagged this one sign the po-po put up. Fighting the pigs, amiright?"

Zoey spun around, using the binocular function on her custom-ordered goggles to zoom in on the front lobby corkboard.

"Lillian, that's a Missing Persons poster!"

"Umm, if you're like, dumb enough t'get lost in your own city, maybe you deserve that shit."

Zoey lowered her head onto her crystal. _Where do I even_ _start...?_

"Hey, you okay, Zoe? Lookin' kinda out of it."

"I'm tired." Her ass was still aching from yesterday's tea debacle, the rain was giving her a low-grade anxiety attack and last night had been her Korean-audience stream. "I had to get up at 2 am so I could spread my legs for the perverts of Seoul."

"Yeaaah, I was kinda listening from the bed."

The electronics in Zoey's goggles buzzed angrily as she zoomed into Lillian's face at 16x magnification. _Not a trace of shame._

"We had an agreement. Those noise-cancelling headphones? Whenever I stream late, you would –"

"Yeah, well … maybe they rolled off when I was tossing, m'kay? Like, what're you so pissy about? You've already got hundreds of dudes checking you out on-stream."

"Yes, and those hundreds of 'dudes' butt out of my life the instant I kill my feed. Headphones! Wear them!"

"Okay, okay. Sheesh…"

Grumbling, Lillian took a seat. She checked the time on her phone. She glanced at Zoey's stack of borrowed books. Purple fingernails tapped the desk.

"Hey, you like, don't have to tough it out and fall asleep in your computer chair, y'know. Bed's big enough to sleep two."

At 16x magnification, the goth girl's inviting smile loomed mountainous and huge. Zoey wasted no time zooming out.

"Pass."

"Aw c'mon - you cuddled up with me that one time last week."

Zoey rewound her memories one week - lying sideways in bed, hugging Lillian from behind and offering reassuring little _'ssh's_ while the residency-challenged girl bawled her eyes out in a night terror.

_"I waaaahn my maaaahmy!"_

"Yes well…" Zoey coughed, "that was a special occasion."

"Mmh, I'll say. Not every night a hot girl slides inta bed with ya."

_Slides into -?_ Okay, there was some scary selective memory going on here.

Lillian - unable to take a hint - licked her lips, leaned in close and whispered,

"Hey? So you know, I'm totally cool with black chicks. I know everybody says you peeps are bossy 'n loud but to me you're like ... I dunno, exotic, or something."

Before Zoey could launch into one of her canned lectures about the problematic history of 'exoticism' and the European fetishization of African womyn, the library doors opened. Zoey spun to check - _Suki? - _and grimaced when it was only the raincoat-clad teenager coming in from the cold. Ignorant of the sacred silence demanded by a book depository, the child started skipping through the front lobby - playing hopscotch on an invisible grid and all the while _singing_:

_"Nyan, nyan! Nyan, nyan!__  
_Ni hao nyan!_  
_Goujasu, Derishasu,_  
_Dekaruchaa!"__

Zoey and Lillian exchanged looks, as did the majority of the students and library staff. Lillian leaned over to stage-whisper.

"Like, OMG, is she high on 'shrooms or something?"

"Ssh! Just don't make eye contact."

Zoey chalked up the teen as a blessing in disguise, a convenient kill switch to Lillian's nighttime invitations.

_Can't hide it forever, though. I'm going to have to tell her … about my 'condition'…_

Holding up random papers for camouflage, the goth and the witch followed the hooded girl out of the corners of their eyes. The raincoat-clad oddity had stopped in the middle of the lobby, holding her arm out like the needle of a compass.

_"Tomodachi …"_ hummed the girl as she slowly rotated on her heel. _"Tomodachi…"_

Every student her pointing finger targeted gulped and ducked behind a textbook. Even the librarians wanted nothing to do with this oddball patron, busying themselves with rifling through filing cabinets or bending low to tidy bottom desk drawers. Zoey couldn't see the girl's face under that yellow hood, only an eerie smile that stretched wider and wider with every false 'tomodachi' her finger checked off and dismissed.

Just when the girl seemed ready to give up and leave, her finger compass fell on Lillian's gothic twin-tails and facial piercings.

The finger froze.

The girl grinned.

_"Tomodachi!"_

Both goth and witch gulped and dug in their heels as the little girl galloped to their table. Hands sporting inch-long false fingernails slammed on the tabletop.

"Lillian-san? Are you Lillian-san?"

Against all better judgement, Lillian answered.

"Depends. Who's asking?"

The kid squealed and clapped her hands.

"_Haa~ Steki!_ You said you'd be wearing all _kuro_ but I didn't think you'd look so _kuru_! Don't you recognize me? From the e-mails?"

Realizing she was at an impasse, the girl pulled down her hood and flashed them a peace sign.

_"Mina-san, konnichiwa! Atashi wa Suki-chan, desu! Yoroshiku onegaishimasu~!"_

As soon as that hood came down, Zoey could sense every makeup compact and hand mirror within a half-mile radius buckle and break. She scrambled to pull off her own goggles, terrified the internal electronics would sizzle and pop. This girl was – this girl was –

"Whoa," Lillian exclaimed. "Far out!"

_Far out, _Zoey repeated. How succinct. Far out like the atmosphere, like the moon, like the empty void of space! Farther out than human sanity could dare to venture! Why else would one scorch their skin into a brown-baked tan or bleach their pigtails so blonde they turned off-white? What rationale mind would smear their face in chalky lipstick and eye-liner until resembled a goggle-eyed lemur?

_Are those … dear goddess, did she stick little heart and star-shaped glitter pieces around her eyes?_

"Bitch, that make-up job is intense!"

"_Arigato!_ I like your tattoos, Lillian-san!"

_She isn't a person,_ Zoey realized, _she's a_ Hawaiian Christmas tree!__ Every free space gussied up with sparkling baubles and one-hundred percent artificial.

She was excessive.

She was attracting so many stares!

She was most definitely _not_ Asian.

"Oh, and you must be the _mahou_ \- the witch! Lillian told me all about you, Zoey! Waah, I always wanted to meet a real-live LARPer!"

_LARPer?_

"I think there's been a misunderstanding: I am a priestess of the Wiccan faith."

"Waa~! You even made up your own religious order? _Motto-motto kuru_! That kind of dedication … _subarashi_!"

_Dr. Zelinski's calming techniques … deep breaths._

"Ahem, 'Suki', was it? Why don't you have a seat and we'll get started."

"_Hai!_ Just let me take this jacket off. _Henshin no jutsu!_"

_Pow! _Like Clark Kent in a phone booth, Suki ripped open the buttons of her overcoat to free her inner hero! There was no 'S' emblem underneath, but two sizable 'D's did _sproing_ free. To the tune of "whoosh!" and "sha-sha!" Suki wriggled her arms out of her sleeves and launched the rain slicker into the air. She caught it, naturally, and twirled the wet plastic above her head like a gymnast's ribbon - "Ora, ora, ora!"

Lillian ducked at the last second. Droplets spattered Zoey's books, her papers and her face.

Water rung free, Suki tucked her jacket neatly over a free chair, declaring "Suki-chan: casual mode – activate-o! ... _Oro_? Lillian-san, your friend is all wet! Did she get caught in the rain?"

"Just ... sit down," Zoey muttered.

Beneath Suki's garish, mascot-printed raincoat was ... more garish fashion. Heavy necklaces decorated with beads and plastic flowers hung off her neck. Ignorant of the crisp, autumn weather, Suki dressed in a strapless, bubble-gum pink mini-dress like she was ready for a trip to the beach. _My goddess, you can see right through! _Every roll of her pudgy belly and plump thighs were on full view through that plastic-wrap dress.

Without any thought to tucking her skirt beneath her legs, Suki plopped her pear-shaped bottom on the seat. Zoey didn't dare check, but the girl's underpants were probably on full display to everyone walking behind.

Suki took a moment to touch up - pulling out some tissue paper from her purse, dabbing the raindrops from her bangs and then wiping her armpits clean. She scanned for a garbage can but finding none, she shrugged and left her wadded tissues on the table corner.

On Zoey's side.

"_Ahem_, let's call this meeting of the Glenberry Wiccan Coven to order. We'll begin with introductions. My name is Agent Zoey and my pronouns are they/them."

"S'up! I'm Lillian. My pronouns are 'fuck' and 'yeah'."

Zoey gave Lillian's shin a quick boot.

"Oww... I mean, she/her. Sheesh..."

Suki stood, cleared her throat and gave a deep and honorable bow that plunked her boobs on the table and clearly flashed her striped panties for all to see, judging by the _snap, snap_ chorus of camera phones.

"_Moshi moshi!_ You already know my name: I'm the adorable bishoujo Suki-chan, age 20! My pronouns are _atashi_ and _anta_; just don't tell me _'anta baka!' __Neh?_"__

She laughed at her own in-joke. Zoey parted her lips in her best approximation of a smile.

"It's um... nice ... that you could join us, Suki."

"The pleasure is all mine! I'm motto-motto excited to join your club, Zoeycchi-senpai!"

Zoey's eyebrows sprang.

"Zo-ee-cchi? … What?"

"Oh, I should explain - I give all my new friends kawaii, Japanese nicknames! You're Zoeycchi and Lillian can be Yuri-chan! That's Japanese for 'lily'."

"Whoa, whoa – Lily? Full stop, no. Like, my mom used to call me 'Lily'. _Nobody_ calls me Lily."

"Hmm, then how about Kuroko-chan? It means 'Lady Black'!"

"Ooh, bitchin'! Hey, how come you never gave me a code name, Zoeycchi?"

"Well, _Lillian,_ some womyn appreciate _not_ being referred to with derogatory, infantilizing pet-names."

She glared at Suki. Clueless, Suki smiled back.

"It's Zoey."

"Hai, Zoey-senpai!"

_Well… close enough._ "Now then –"

"Ooh! Just a minute, senpai! For her new friends, Suki-chan brought _pu-re-sen-tos!_ That's Japanese for 'presents'! Look – sushi!"

Zoey and Lillian peered into the offered bento box.

"Like ... are those Rice Krispie squares wrapped in fruit roll-ups?"

"With gummy fish on top, _hai_! Real fish is maxi expensive so Suki-chan made American sushi instead! _Itadakimasu~!_"

Much to Zoey's displeasure, Lillian actually popped a piece into her mouth. Then another. While the goth 'mmh'-ed and chewed, Zoey kicked her under the table.

"Whah? Ith's fwee gwub!"

"Here's a piece for you, Zoey-senpai. Say 'aah'~!"

A gooey glob of rice puffs zoomed towards her mouth. Zoey barely dodged.

"No. No, I'm ... dieting."

The table settled into an unofficial snack break, Lillian stuffing her face while Suki produced a pair of chopsticks and took dainty bites interspersed with exclamations of _"oishi~!"_

Zoey settled for chewing on her thumb.

"So... Suki. That's an... interesting outfit you're wearing."

"_Arigato_, Zoey-senpai! This is Ganguro fashion; it's all the rage down in Shibuya! Or, at least that's what I read on the Internet. Actually, the flower leis and bright dresses are part of the Ganguro sub-culture called -"

"Ganguro, I see, I see. So are you in Glenberry on vacation? Studying abroad?"

"_Iya~_, senpai is so silly! I grew up here in North America!"

"Then your family immigrated?"

"Well, maybe my _ojii-san_ came with the pilgrims from Europe way back…"

"But you follow Japanese fashion trends, you use Japanese phrases."

"_Hai!_ Japan is just … _subarashi_! The anime, the J-pop, the idols, waah~! That's why I try to be as Japanese as I can, so everybody can know how _sugoi_ it is in _Nippon_!"

Suki sighed dreamily and leaned across the table, a secret on her lips. Lillian, still mouthing half a sushi roll, leaned forward in return.

_"Suki-chan wa yume o motte imasu! _Suki's got a dream! That one day, I'll save up enough money for a trip to Tokyo! Then I can visit all the _kuru_ sites: the manga shops of Akihabara, the fashion boutiques of Shibuya. Ooh, and I'll go to a maid cafe, order a real omu-riceu and get it served with extra lovu-lovu! _Steki~!_"

"Hard-core," Lillian nodded. "Hey, do they have a metal scene in Tokyo? Like, I'm lookin' t'ditch this one-horse town too!"

"Oh, totally! Babymetal, Band-Maid! I've got playlists of all the best groups!"

"Nice!"

"But most importantly, Suki-chan is gonna take her doujinshi – that's Japanese for 'fan comic' – and sell them at the halls of Comi-keto! My nakama told me my drawings are super-duper good, so now I'm fired up! Suki-chan's gonna be the number one manga-ka in all of Japan! Believe it!"

"Wait, you draw comics? That's freakin' awesome! Right, Zoe?"

Zoey offered a thin smile. Behind her poker face, her insides seethed.

_You? Go to Comiket? You and your amateur-hour 'How to Draw Manga' doodles would be laughed out before you even got through the front doors! _

By the goddesses, if only Cera_Bella were here – she'd give this Japanese imposter the mother of all tongue-lashings! Only years of practice enduring ignorant white girls allowed Zoey to keep up her neutral charade.

_This ends now!_

"Suki, would you excuse us a minute? Lillian and I have to … we have to menstruate!"

"We do?" But a final kick to the shin got the goth girl on program. "Oh yeah. Totally pissin' blood 'n shit. GTG."

"Do you need pads, senpai? Suki has lotsa extra. Hmm, do you want Sailor Moon brand or Cardcaptor Sakura?"

But Zoey had already nabbed Lillian by the back of her halter top, dragging her gothic assistant along in search of privacy. With every booted stomp, the cybergoth witch could feel a growing sympathy for dear, misunderstood Dr. Victor Frankenstein. She could imagine the scientist's exact outrage as he stared down his dimwitted, hunchbacked lackey and a brain jar that _by no means_ read 'Abby Normal'.

_We've got to put a stop to this monster …_


	4. Spooky, Scary Stories from Apartment 66!

"You told me she would be Asian!"

Zoey's fist was fastened around Lillian's left pigtail, a mother cat seizing her misbehaving kitten by the scruff. Out of sight in a back corner behind the magazines and periodicals, the cybergoth could be as brutal as necessary.

"Ow, ow, ow! Chillax, will ya? Like, I just said that her name was 'Suki', m'kay? How'm I supposed t'know her family history from e-mails and texts?"

Zoey's hold loosened. "I suppose you have a point…"

"But hey, look on the bright side – now you can say we've got a Hawaiian witc-A-AH-AH!"

"I'm sorry, does your white girl brain not come with a filter for stupidity? She's not Japanese, she's not 'Hawaiian'; she's not any sort of foreign minority at all! She's –"

Eyes darting about for an apt metaphor, Zoey fell upon the half-eaten 'American sushi roll' in Lillian's hand. Snatching it up, she waggled the Rice Krispie square in the goth girl's face.

"She's a knockoff!"

"Wait, now she's Chinese?"

Zoey's next yank was particularly vicious.

"No, she's not! That's precisely the problem! 'Suki' - if that's even her name - is as American as apple pie, Coca Cola and cultural appropriation! She's a _weeaboo!_"

"A ghost?"

"No, a weeaboo! They're white trash teens so obsessed with Japanese pop culture that they 'go native'. Suki's crawled so far up her ass, she actually thinks she's Japanese!"

The severity of their situation finally seemed to sink through Lillian's dense skull.

"Whoa… like, seriously?"

"Seriously with a side order of 'hell, yeah'!"

"Holy shit, that's … whoa. Hey, where'd you learn about these weeaboo freaks, Zoe?"

"Oh … well…"

_A cramped kitchen table in a dingy apartment, a weary mother with hands on her aproned hips._

"_Baby girl, will y'all please get eatin' already? It's mac 'n cheese, honey. You love mac 'n cheese!"_

_A pint-sized black girl in a blue Naruto headband banged her cutlery defiantly._

"_NO! And I told you already – I'm not your 'baby girl', I'm a ninja! I only eat ramen and rice balls, you baka! Believe it!"_

"_Baby, ah believe you're in for a paddlin' if y'all don't finish y'dinner!"_

"_You'll never make me, Akatsuki scum! Food bomb no jutsu!"_

"_Sweet baby Jesus, MAMA JUST WASHED THIS FLOOR!"_

"_Wha ha ha! Another victory for the Hidden Leaf Village!"_

Zoey shook free of the flashback and coughed.

"Well, I read about them online."

"Oh, totally!" Lillian jerked a thumb in the direction of their new acquaintance. "So, what do we do about her? Give Suki the ol' dine 'n dash treatment?"

Zoey shook her head.

"No, not yet. She came to us because she's had contact with the supernatural, remember? We go back, we put on our friendliest smiles but as soon as her story's out, we cut contact and never speak with her again."

"Got it!"

A hand on Lillian's shoulder halted her.

"We have to be on guard, all right? Remember, she may look fashionable and trendy but she's the most problematic thing since Fox News. There's one thing weeaboos desire above all and that's to drag further victims into their 'kawaii fanbase'. She'll tempt you with sweets and treats, then once you're in her clutches she'll devour you whole!"

Lillian gasped. "Like a witch!"

Zoey raised an eyebrow.

"Err, I mean … like an outdated, culturally-insensitive stereotype of a witch?"

"Just … leave the talking to me, all right?"

"You're the boss, bitch! Oh, um..."

Time was off the essence. What did she want now? "Yessss?"

Lillian offered up a pigtail.

"Pull my hair? Like, one more time? I'm almost there..."

Rolling her eyes, Zoey marched back to the table.

"Aw c'mon, Zoe! Edging is so not my kink!"

* * *

Just as planned, it was all gumdrops and sunshine when they returned to the table. Suki startled a bit at their return – she'd been studying her phone and counting the snarl of mini-figure keychains dangling from its bottom corner.

"Missing… where'd it-?"

"Thanks for waiting, Suki" Zoey smiled as she took her seat.

"Yeah, like totes thanks, Suki!" Lillian chimed.

"Daijoubu," the weeaboo chirped, shoving her phone back into her purse. "While you were away, I got some kawaii drawing done. Here you go, Kuroko-chan."

Lillian puzzled as Suki tore a page from a sketchpad and handed it over.

"Is that me? If I were a chubby dwarf?"

"Not chubby, chibi! It's you in super-cute mode!"

The goth girl was spellbound.

"Will ya look at that... Zoe, she even got my tattoos! And I've got like, cat ears and a tail!"

"Hai, I thought Kuroko would look _motto kuru_ as a panther-gijinka."

"No way - panther's totally my spirit animal!"

"Here, I'll draw you next, Zoey-senpai!"

"Not necessary." Zoey didn't like it one bit how Lillian was fawning over her anime portrait. _The weeb's working her charm fast. Got to finish this quickly._

"Now, Suki – Lillian tells me you've had an encounter with supernatural powers, correct?"

"Hai! It's _chotto kowai_ but … my apartment building is haunted! By a g-g-ghost!"

G-g-ghost. The bitch actually stuttered it out like she was a side character in an episode of Scooby Doo. Zoey bit her tongue, resisting the urge to tell this weeb to 'g-g-go on'. Lillian spared her the awkwardness.

"Ghosts? Ooh, can I take this one, Zoe? Pleease?"

That's right, the goth girl had a special fondness for spirits and occultism. Loathe as she was to allow the girls to interact further, Zoey had to defer to Lillian's expertise. "Fine, you can lead the interview."

Lillian pumped her fist as Zoey passed over one of their notebooks for recording supernatural data.

"Score! Okay, so like, there's a ghost haunting your building?"

"Hai, and not just any ghost – it's my next-door neighbour!"

"Gimmie the D-low! Neighbour - what're they like? Green 'n dripping ectoplasm?"

"Well, I only ever see her super-late – after _Ju_, ten o'clock. The hallway elevator will go 'bing-bong' and there she is: a tall, Russian woman with long, brown hair; pretty, red lips and these super-high cheekbones! Always wearing dark glasses and a black, leather trenchcoat. Always marching like a drill sergeant in these super-tall high-heeled boots! She'll step out the elevator, stomp down the hallway until she's at the door … of apartment sixty-six!"

Suki paused there, looming over the table with her fingers curled in a classic 'scary campfire monster' pose. She seemed to be waiting on some cue to proceed, glancing at the storm outside. Lillian caught on and supplied a thunderous "KABOOM!"

"Arigato."

"No sweat."

Zoey rolled her eyes.

"The front lobby registry says the apartment is rented out but there's no family name, no phone number. Just a single name: _Nadia._"

"Nadia," Zoey repeated.

"Nadia," Suki nodded, breasts bobbing with her head.

"So, like, this Nadia chick is a ghost?"

"She has to be! She only comes out at night and she never speaks or looks at anyone! I've tried saying '_konnichiwa'_ to her; I've told her my name and invited her over to watch anime but she never answers! It's like she can't even hear me!"

"Gotta be an apparition," Lillian declared. "They're like, ghosts sleepwalking through their old life. Going through the motions. Like, that's why she's not responding to you."

Zoey, meanwhile, imagined a silly little Suki skipping after her put-upon neighbour, an ostentatious cockatoo squawking after a ruffled night owl.

"Yes ... an apparition. Why else would she ignore Suki?"

Lillian flipped to a fresh page in the notebook, hungry for details.

"Kay, paranormal activity, lay it on me! Like, are you hearing weird noises from your neighbour's pad?"

"Hai, and always at night! Sometimes, I hear chains clinking; other times I hear moaning and wailing, like there's a spirit in pain! Sometimes there's even voices!"

"Voices? Like, what's she saying?"

"Itai, not Nadia – a man's voice. At first, I thought it was the ghost of a priest because this man keeps praying: _oh God, oh God … I'm coming! Dah, I'm coming!"_

Lillian gave a tiny squeal. In her notebook, Zoey saw her scrawl, _Sex Ghost? :D. _The witch groaned.

"So now there's a male voice? I thought your neighbour was a woman."

"Oh, an _otoko_ named Sergei lives there too. _Ine - _super nice! Thin, always hunched over. Big glasses. He always says 'hello' to Suki in Russian when we see each other in the hallway! But whenever I ask him about 'Nadia', Sergei's face goes _shiro_ – white as a sheet! '_Niet – no Nadia. I am come on work visa. No wife. Not allowed. Why silly devushka ask about wife? Go away!' _And that's when Suki started noticing these awful, red marks over Sergei's wrists and neck!"

"OMG, Zoey – marks and rashes are toes classic signs of demonic possession! This Nadia ghost must be sucking off Sergei's life energy!"

_Oh Sergei's getting something sucked off, that's for sure._

"Have you spoken with anyone else about this 'ghost' issue?" Zoey inquired.

"Mmh! When I told my superintendent about all the spooky noises, he promised to go investigate but when I talked to him afterwards, he just said 'leave Sergei alone' and wouldn't say anything more. Except..."

"There's an except, Zoe!"

"Except now Suki's super had those same red marks on his wrists! The ghost must have gotten to him too! ... Um, Zoey-senpai? Why are you banging your head on the desk?"

"Headache," the witch muttered between thunks.

"But ... doesn't that make it worse?"

"Suki," Zoey interrupted, "are you familiar with the concept of a dominatrix?"

"Hai, they're characters from ecchi manga who -" the weeaboo's jaw dropped. "Are you saying Nadia-san is the g-g-ghost of a dominatrix?"

Zoey didn't even offer a bullshit excuse this time, she just grabbed Lillian and marched them back into the private corner.

"_The g-g-ghost of a dominatrix_," she mimed. "Lillian, this is an absolute waste of our time."

"So wait, it's ... like, not a real ghost?"

"The only thing haunting that apartment is a lack of proper immigration paperwork."

"Aww, that sucks. ... Um, just to be safe, maybe we should do a stakeout at Suki's place. Y'know, listen in, make sure?"

"We are not peeping on the Russian BDSM couple, Lillian."

"Boo..."

"All that's left now is to give Suki the slip. We adjourn the meeting, collect our things and we run."

"I guess." Lillian muttered. "It's just ... well, she's super-nice 'n stuff. Makes it really awkward when we like, give her the slip."

In her hand, Lillian still held the chibi portrait Suki had made. _So sentimental,_ Zoey scoffed.

"All you have to do is sit down and not say anything. I have a plan."

* * *

"Well, thank you once again, Suki. Lillian and I will research this ghost further and get back to you," _when pigs fly._

"Arigato, Zoey-senpai and Kuroko-chan! Oh, I'll have to send you my new address - this g-g-ghost is too _kowai_ for me. I'm gonna find a new, safer place to live!"

_May it be in an entirely different state,_ Zoey prayed. "Well then, on that note, I call this meeting -"

Suki's hand shot up.

"Yes...?"

"Gomenasai, I didn't wanna interrupt but ... I just wanna say a big 'domo arigato' for listening to my story! I was nervous at first: meeting new people, worrying you'd just laugh at my problem like everyone else. Now, though, I know in my heart that you girls are super-nice people who'd never hurt me!"

Lillian gulped and clutched at her portrait.

"That's why… from this day forward, I wanna be a full-time member of your club and do fun stuff with my senpais!"

Suki exploded from her seat, flashing peace signs and beaming cutesy smiles. The sunny display made Lillian want to curl up and die.

Zoey just nodded understandingly.

"The thing is, Suki... well, our research into the paranormal, it'll be super spooky and scary! Lillian was almost kidnapped by a lizard demon and I was attacked by invisible spirits."

"R-really?"

"It's true! We never know what life-threatening horrors the next day will bring! You seemed very nervous just speaking about this ghost. When it comes to demons or curses or monsters, well... are you sure you'll be brave enough?"

Fingers in her mouth, Suki gave a dog-like whimper. Zoey crowed to herself. _Hook, line and sinker!_

Suki shivered, eyes falling to the floor. "Maybe senpai is right. Maybe I should just -"

A sudden, happy gasp broke the moment. "There it is! Yatta, I found my missing key chain!"

And when Suki dangled the little figurine for all to see, Lillian gasped too.

"Shut the fuck up, is that a little bobble-head of Sebastian? Sebastian Michaelis, demon butler from hell?"

"Hai! Bass-chan is mai husbando! Oro? Does Kuroko-chan know about _Kuroshitsuji_ too?"

"No, but I totally watched the shit out of both seasons of Black Butler!"

"Wait, you did?" Zoey inquired.

"Hells yeah! I mean, demon butler from hell? Totally rad Victorian aesthetics? Sexy grim reapers in tight pants? Why the fuck wouldn't I watch it?"

Suki squealed and clasped Lillian's pale hands in her own.

"Onee-san! Have you seen the live action movie? Ooh, do you follow the manga too? Who do you ship, Kuroko-chan?"

"Um, Bassy and Grell, totally!"

"Steki! I drew a doujinshi of them in high school!"

"Really? Cause I've got this old sketchpad with a ton of pin-up art!"

The two girls nattered on about 'ships' and 'pitchers' and 'catchers' while Zoey fought a rising wave of revulsion. _I've lost her!_ Lillian was floating away on her, joining kawaii little Suki-chan in their shared cloud cuckoo land for white girls.

_She ensnared Lillian faster than I anticipated! Any second now that idiot is going to say -_

"Ooh, I motion we make Suki a full-time member of the coven!"

"Suki-chan seconds Lillian's motion!"

"But - you can't just -"

"Ding!" Lillian interrupted, "Majority wins! Suki's in!"

"Yatta!"

"Now just a minute! Lillian, this is my organization! As leader, I have final say in -"

"Leader?" interrupted a new, brassy voice. "Zoey Greene, is that patriarchal filth coming from your mouth?"

Both Lillian and Suki were taken aback as the cybergoth with went clammy and stiff. The source of her terror? A bald, Arabic student in a military fatigues jacket, a checkered keffiyeh scarf tossed around her neck and a look of utter revulsion laser-focused on Zoey's perspiring face.

"R-Rashida!" Zoey stammered. "H-how nice to see you! G-girls, Rashida works with me at the campus Womyn's Center. Zie's the leader -"

Rashida coughed once.

"I-I mean, zie's the _member with the most seniority_ among our feminist grassroots association. Rashida, these are -"

"Two privileged white girls," Rashida snorted. "What _lovely_ company you keep these days, Zoey."

"Bitch, I ain't privileged," Lillian snorted, "I got kicked out of the house!"

"And Suki-chan's being haunted by a g-g-ghost!"

"How charming," Rashida yawned. "Now, Zoey - I believe you were about to override your little group's decision based on some arbitrary position of power and privilege you'd granted yourself?"

"M-me?" Zoey laughed nervously. "O-of course not, Rashida! Every female here has an equal say and we abide by the majority. We just voted to accept a new member and," Zoey swallowed, "Suki gets to stay with us ... forever."

"How very socialist of you," Rashida nodded. "FWI, I just e-mailed the group about a special meeting this Saturday. This time, make sure you're not late."

"Yes, Rashida."

Thoroughly shamed, Zoey didn't dare look up from her lap until her feminist friend's boots had marched out the building.

"Yatta!" Suki declared. "I get to be a mahou! Ooh, we should do an anime party to celebrate! I'll get lots of pocky and we can marathon all my favorite spooky and magic-themed shows!"

"Pocky, that's food, right? Hell yeah, I'm in! Yadda, bitches!"

"Yat-ta," Suki corrected. "Here, you try it too, Zoey-senpai."

"Yatta..." Zoey deadpanned, and as the two wannabe-Wiccans devolved into prattle about 'bishies', Zoey retreated into the work of Mary Shelley, casting herself once more in the role of the dismayed Dr. Frankenstein.

_I've just made the monster a bride..._


	5. Lillian's Indecent Proposal!

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Moshi moshi! How'd your day go, Blake-sensei?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_-_-_

**=Cera_Bella=**  
_0.0;  
Nani, that bad?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Blake sighs and slumps into his chair*)  
The worst._

**=Cera_Bella=**  
_Aww…  
(*Cera scoots behind Blake and gives him a shoulder rub*)  
You wanna talk about it?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Blake sighs contently*)  
A new person joined my social group and I can tell we're not going to get along.  
Ugh, she made me visit her apartment... Thought I would throw up…_

* * *

"Okaeri nasai, mina-san! Welcome to Casa Suki!"

To no one's surprise, Suki's apartment turned out to be just as loud and obnoxious as the brown-tanned lover of all things pink and kawaii. The room had been painted bubble-gum pink and plastered with wall scrolls of obscenely-posed anime girls that left Zoey cringing. _Lingerie boutiques don't shove nearly this much underwear in your face!_

Oblivious to her discomfort, Lillian skipped along with her new "besto friend" to the living room, where plush couches and a hi-def plasma screen waited to plunge them into a hellhole of doki-doki anime goodness.

"Zoey-senpai, come sit with us! I'm making hot pockets!"

"Yeah, Zoe. We're gonna watch some shit called _Chitsu no Senshi_."

Zoey forced a smile and gestured to her phone. "Sorry, girls but I really should review my online notes. Physics test coming up."

"Aww, okay. Study hard, senpai! Ganbatte!"

"Boo!"

Zoey took a corner-side stool and busied herself in her social media feed, doing her best to ignore the TV's high-pitched squealing. Every so often, she stole a glance towards Suki's library.

Bookshelves, all of them crammed full of manga and light novel series, some that Zoey recognized. In fact, Suki owned a sizable collection of BL titles. _All out in the open._ Zoey licked her lips, craving a closer look but whenever she worked up the nerve to approach the forbidden shelves, a horrible voice made her freeze.

"Ooh, that's Suki-chan's yaoi collection. Does Zoey-senpai also like reading stories about two boys butt-humping each other?"

Zoey spun on her heel but Lillian and Suki were still absorbed in the glow of the anime box. _Just my imagination._

Even so, the terror of being discovered - of discovering she had something in common with Suki - ensured that Zoey kept her distance from the tantalizing titles like _Bi no Kyoujin, Banana Fish _and _Merman in My Tub_.

Behind her, the syrupy-cute madness blathered on.

_"Chikyuu no Mirai ni, Gohoshi Suru ~ Nyan!"_

So Zoey praised the goddesses and all the spirits of nature when her phone alarm buzzed, alerting her to a scheduled stream. "Gotta go, work called!"

"Really? Well, arigato for visiting, senpai!"

Zoey paused at the doorway but Lillian didn't move from the couch.

She coughed.

"What? I'll catch up later. Go do your stuff, boss."

Zoey scowled but compared to an evening with Suki, shoving oversized dildos up her ass would be a breath of fresh air.

* * *

Even beyond the apartment, Suki proved impossible to escape. Everywhere Zoey looked, something reminded her about that insufferable faker.

On the bus - some disgusting neck-beard wearing a Naruto t-shirt and open-mouth panting into a volume of _Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha_.

On the campus messageboards – more missing persons posters defaced (no doubt by someone gothic), cat ears and whiskers sketched atop the faces, followed by a problematic word bubble chirping, "Nyu-oh, I'm nyaaa-t here!"

Even the viewers in her chat seemed to go out of their way to annoy her, posting those outdated robot emojis and spamming _Domo Arigato, Mrs. Roboto!_

"BigDik34, this is not a cybernetic android stream any longer. Please read the FAQ about my new identity. If you continue to misgender me, I will get a mod to ban you."

Honestly, had the whole world gone double-plus problematic? She couldn't truly express how thankful she was for her mid-stream break and the chance to DM with =Cera_Bella=.

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_ARGGH, THIS GIRL!  
How do I explain...?  
She's... not someone who respects other people's cultures._

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_Aww, that's awful! I know I get mega ikaru  
(soooo angry!)  
when people make fun of my precious Japan!_

Zoey smiled, imagining a meeting between Suki and Cera. Her Japanese illustrator would pick apart that leech, question by question, until Suki was shamed and exposed as the fraud she is.

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_This girl could learn a thing or two from you, Cera._

**=Cera_Bella=**  
_Anyway, I met some totally awesome senpais today! Wanna hear about them?_

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_Maybe another time.  
My supper break's almost over.  
I have to get back to work._

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_This late?  
(:D) Haha, that's my sensei! Always giving his 110%!_

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_Thanks.  
I'm making a cultural outreach presentation.  
Educating others about underrepresented minorities._

**=Cera_Bella=****  
**_Ganbatte, Blake-sensei!  
Give it your all!_

**=BlakePanzer0=****  
**_I will. Thanks._

Zoey quit the chat program, tossed her protein bar wrapper and prepped her accessories: goggles, face mask, headphones – check! Ready to resume stream.

"Welcome back, dark denizens of the Internet. Did you enjoy your supper break? I know I did but I'm still feeling... hungry."

Predictably, that got the chat ejaculating memes and spamming eggplant emojis. It was a small blessing that her goggles obscured her eye roll. Zoey picked up a light-orange gemstone and held it to her webcam.

"Mmm, so today I want to show you boys a citrine crystal. In Wiccan circles, citrine is used to attract sun energies, which inspire friendship and improves communication with your loved ones. But do you know the best part about citrine gems? They feel sooo good when I rub them against my pussy. Mmh, lemmie show you..."

As she leaned back in her chair and kicked her boots onto the computer table to improve the view, Zoey took solace in one small truth.

_At least this beats stocking shelves at Walmart …_

* * *

Halfway through the stream, Zoey heard the door open for Lillian's clomping leather boots. Thankfully the goth kept quiet and actually followed their agreement. Zoey could hear the nightstand drawer shuffle open and Lillian rooting around for the noise-cancelling headphones.

_The girl takes some learning but she is dependable_. She'd make a feminist witch out of Lillian yet.

When the stream finally finished, Zoey slumped back in a mess of her own sweat and body fluids, positively bored out of her mind.

_Well, at least I made it convincing again._

While musing about how she'd get a certain stain out of her skirt, a tiny cough called for her attention.

"Hey, Zoe - you done streaming?"

"One sec."

Zoey minimized her windows and took a moment to mop the sweat from her brow. Behind her green-screen partition, her computer station stunk to high hell and her collection of "work toys" still needed to be washed but at least she could face Lillian knowing her underwear was in place.

"You're good," she announced, smoothing her skirt.

"Um... hang on, kay?"

Behind the curtain, Zoey heard the goth girl cursing, as well as the thunk of heavy boots on the floor. Was she trying to take off her footwear? Why?

Finally, Lillian's pale, pigtailed head popped though the green-screen curtain.

"Like ... hey."

"Hey," Zoey replied to the floating head, eyes narrowed suspiciously. Why were Lilian's eyes darting so nervously? Why was she fidgeting and hiding behind the curtain?

"So um ... good stream?"

"Average numbers," Zoey shrugged. "How was your evening with Suki?"

"Oh, it was like, awesome! Holy shit this Suki girl is a freak! After you left? Suki showed me this stuff called 'hen-ty'. Did you know these Japanese guys make cartoons about people fucking? Freakin' awesome!"

_Probably all non-consensual, female-objectifying filth,_ Zoey assured herself. "How lovely."

"Are you pissed because I didn't leave with you?" Lillian asked suddenly.

"A little solidarity among coven sisters would have been appreciated."

"Like, sorry I guess, but where am I supposed to go if you're using the room for your cam stream? And she nuked us pizza pops, Zoe! Pizza! I can't survive on just that granola shit you eat."

"So that's all it takes for you to abandon your feminist principles? Bread and circuses?"

"Like, I bet if you gave her a chance, you and Suki would be totally chill."

That was a possibility Zoey refused to indulge.

"Lovely theory. Anyhow, I have to wash up and rest before my late night Korean stream, so if you're done -"

"J-just one thing!" Again, that bizarre nervousness. The goth girl was always brash as iron but now…

"You all right?"

"Me? Totally," Lillian nodded unconvincingly. "I just wanted to like, talk to you. About your stream. About -"

"About?" Zoey repeated.

"About ... maybe helping out?"

Zoey raised an eyebrow and somewhere in the ensuing silence, Lillian found her nerve. She pulled her head back and swept the curtains aside, showing off everything the simple fabric had hidden.

The sight made Zoey forget to breathe.

Lillian, pale skin glowing under the dim lighting, wearing nothing but the sheerest black bra and matching thong. She'd even taken off her signature knee-high boots. Zoey could spot the purple nail polish on her tiny, pink toes as Lillian stepped into the recording studio and drew the curtains behind her.

"So, like … yeah."

Lillian shifted awkwardly – first-time jitters Zoey recognized from her earliest fur-suiter videos – but the goth made her best effort to show off and pose, spinning around to give Zoey a full look at her goods.

Against the white of her skin, Zoey found herself hyper-aware of every little accessory the goth had stenciled and pierced into her flesh: the skull tattoo pressed into her tummy, just beside her small belly button, an adorable "inny". The hellish pentagram traced atop her right breast, hypnotic in its call to look and linger.

Zoey gulped as she took in the thin, mesh-like material of Lillian's bra. Whether the fabric was meant to be sheer or if it had just been worn ragged, the lingerie did nothing to hide Lillian's soft, kissable flesh or the dark swells puckered with silvery metal.

"I … didn't know you had a nipple piercing," Zoey stammered.

"Mm, both of them," Lillian grinned, sending her fingers to flick the metal hoops pinched around her tips. Just a quick rub made her nipples puff up and press against the mesh of her bra, threatening to send the already-strained underwear popping off. "Not gonna lie, when they rub against my shirt, it gets me sooo wet, so fast."

Zoey scrambled to look elsewhere. Lillian's lips, deep purple with lipstick and dotted with snake-bite piercings underneath. Under her gaze, Lillian licked her lips nervously and the moisture from her mouth made her piercings glitter like silver.

"Zoe, you've been like, so good to me these last couple weeks: letting me hang at your place, making me part of your coven crew. You're super chill and I wanna pay you back."

_This is it,_ Zoey winced. The moment she'd been dreading…

"So, like, let me do a partner stream with you? Pleaaase? I bet we could double your subscribers if you scissored me on camera! Or, or maybe we could work some kinda double-headed dildo action?"

Zoey groaned and held her forehead. She'd been rehearsing for this moment – the night when Lillian's casual flirting turned into an all-out proposal – but with that damnable ringing returning to her ears, all her prepared speeches scattered into disarray.

_How do I say it? How do I tell her?_

All right, positive affirmations first.

"Lillian, I'm so happy for you. It's so encouraging to see that you have a sex-positive mindset; that you feel so empowered and proud of your body that you want to show off how sexy you can be."

"You mean it?" Lillian's eyes glistened before the half-naked goth coughed away the vulnerable moment. "I mean, no duh, I'm totally sexy! But ... you think so too?"

Zoey side-stepped that question. "At the same time, there's something you need to know about me."

Deep breath, this was it.

"Lillian, I have an SDI."

It took a moment for the revelation to sink but Lillian finally reacted - badly.

"Seriously? Seriously? Oh fuck, oh fuck - hand sanitizer! I need hand sanitizer! Shit, you let me sleep in your bed when you had a -? Fuck, I think my junk's itching already!"

_Wait, what?_

"No! Not an STD, an S-D-I. A sexually diverse identity. Lillian, I'm demisexual."

Lillian stopped panicking, thank goodness, but now she'd reset to her blank staring.

"Whuuut?"

"Demisexual."

"Yeah, I heard ya. Like, is that the one that gives you the rash or the one that leaves warts?"

"It's not an infection, dammit, it's an identity! Being demisexual means I can't have sex unless I experience a close, emotional bond with my partner. It's who I am."

Lillian still wasn't catching on.

"So you're ... saving yourself for marriage?"

"Fuck no, that's abstinence!" The nerve, associating her with that evangelical claptrap! "Lillian, I am literally physically incapable of experiencing sexual attraction until I strongly get to know another individual. I can't have sex with you."

Zoey could recognize the panic in those violet eyes, the frantic scrambling in that twin-tailed head.

"But… you shlick yourself for all those horny businessmen in Hong Kong every night!"

"Lillian, that's different. It's for my work."

"So do me for work! Like... what if we had a jack-off race or something? We don't even have to touch! I could be off to the side, flicking my bean and we could look into each other's eyes while we –"

"Lillian, I'm a solo streamer. It's what my fans expect. You have to consider all of my viewers who are nervous around women. If I suddenly show up with a co-star, it could leave them feeling triggered."

Lillian, half-naked and exposed, looked on her with jaw gaping.

Then the goth girl's trigger flipped.

"Fucking whatever! What do I know about 'emotional bonds'? I'm just the fucking homeless girl who crashes in your bed!" She choked back a sniffle. "Hey, here's a tip - next time you get the bright idea to spoon with a girl? Like, don't!"

_You're pulling that card again?_

"Lillian, that night you were shivering and bawling your eyes out, crying for your mommy. How was I supposed to leave you alone?"

"What're you talking about? My 'mommy' only makes me cry blood, m'kay? That bitch kicked me out because I was _too much to handle_!"

"Well you sure as hell missed her that night!"

Lillian stomped her foot.

"Don't change the subject, bitch! This is about you! You climbed into the bed with me, you fucking whispered all sexy-like in my ear and then you asked if you could start petting me!"

"No, I asked if I could start PETTing you: _Platonic Emotional Touch Therapy_. Everyone at the Womyn's Center took a training seminar - it's for supporting our sisterhood!"

"Then how come you kept saying you were _coming after me_?"

"Where are you getting this crap from? I said, _I'm here for you_!"

"Well you sure as fucking hell aren't now!"

They glared at each other, every breath liable to snap their fragile ceasefire. Twin beads of black eyeliner slid down Lillian's cheeks.

"This," Zoey snorted, "is why I don't make friends with self-obsessed white girls. I'm trying to tell you something important about who I am! Can you not look past your own libido for one second?"

"Up yours, cunt!"

"Lillian, don't be problemat-"

"Just shut up, you saggy, smelly, cock-sucking, cam-whoring cunt!"

Panting and red-faced, Lillian gasped to catch her breath.

"I'm leaving."

Zoey didn't even shrug when Lillian ripped open the curtain and started pulling on her clothes. "Fine. Go stay with Suki for all I care. Go wallow in your shared weeb trash!"

"I'm not fucking going to Suki. I'm gonna knock on all the fraternity doors, tell them I'm _cold and shivering_ _and need somebody to keep me warm_. Maybe those dicks'll show me a good time!"

"Fine then, be another campus rape statistic, see if I care!"

"Fine then, like I will!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Coat on her shoulders, duffle bag in hand, Lillian paused at the doorway.

"Oh, and that demisexual shit? They've got a pill for that. It's called booze! You should try it sometime you dried-out dick-hole."

"My identity is not your punchline!"

"Well my heart's not your punching bag!"

_Slam._

Cursing, Zoey swept her entire collection of dildos to the floor, hissing a name fouler than the oldest and whitest of old white men.

"Suki…"

Suki had put Lillian up to this; that had to be it! _Got Lillian sugar-high until she blabbed about her secret crush! Then the little weeb probably told her to 'follow your heart' or to 'make a lovu-lovu confession'._

Dammit, all that time training and working with Lillian – all for nothing! Ready to collapse under that damnable ear-ringing, Zoey ground her palms and hissed out a saving mantra.

"I am a woman and a Wiccan. I am strong and resilient and tomorrow is another day."

Zoey Greene hadn't endured a lifetime under the thumb of the patriarchy just to let one silly girl bring her down. No, she'd show Lillian, she'd show Suki; she'd show them all how she could soldier on!

"Tomorrow is another day," she hissed.

And it would be the worst day of her life.


	6. Unacceptable! The Trials of Zoey Greene!

"What do you mean I'm failing your course?"

Saturday morning and Zoey had been called to Miss Stone's office - actually Miss Yumi's office. The substitute had scuttled into the private workspace like an opportunistic hermit crab, shoving Miss Yumi's familiar clutter into a corner and appropriating the room with her fitness dumbbells and her ridiculous, wall-mounted replica swords. The muscle-headed substitute sighed as she leaned across the desk to explain.

"Zoey, you know your stuff; you're acing the in-class quizzes. But lab work's a huge chunk of your mark. This last report you submitted? '_Exploding the Canon: Rethinking Newtonian Physics for a World of Witchcraft'_?"

"Yes! I reviewed the entire course textbook and pointed out all the inconsistencies with Wiccan worldviews. Isn't it shocking how much traditional knowledge is neglected by Western sciences?"

"Zoey, we were sliding marbles down an inclined plane. That was _all_ you needed to write about."

Zoey rolled her eyes.

"How can you fixate on children's science fair projects when I'm offering you the keys to a revolution? The existence of magic upends the entire world of physics as we know it!"

This was the point where a weary-eyed Miss Yumi would sneak a sip of alcohol. Miss Stone simply took a deep breath. "Can't believe I'm about to say this but ... Zoey, there is no such thing as magic."

"Don't trigger me!"

"Magic isn't real," Miss Stone repeated. "Monsters are figments of your imagination, aliens are Internet click bait and shadowy government agencies are most definitely _not_ sending secret agents to spy on you."

_Wait, what?_

Miss Stone covered with a quick cough.

"Um, scratch that last part. Look Zoey, this 'magical assault' that happened in your dorm really seems to be a sticking point for you. Maybe it would help to talk about it. Why don't the two of us grab a coffee, relax on the quad and chat for a bit?"

Then it all clicked.

"You're punishing me."

"Beg your pardon?"

"You're punishing me! Docking me marks on my course work because I'm not responding to your flirting!"

"Flirting? Zoey, whoa!"

"I know you're a lesbian, Miss Stone!" The objectifying _Sports Illustrated_ swimsuit magazines stacked on the desk were worth a thousand words. "You've been trying to get close to me all semester - stopping me after class, striking up conversations; smiling at me! You think that being a university professor entitles you to have your way with your students? Well I won't stand for this sexual harassment! I'll be in touch with student services; I'll see that this entire campus resists your problematic, white lesbian privilege!"

In the past, this threat had sent dozens of pencil-pushers scurrying and caving to her demands. Miss Tala Stone started off wide-eyed like all the others but as Zoey ranted on, the teacher's face hardened. Standing to her full, 6'2" height, Miss Stone picked up her desktop telephone and dumped it before Zoey.

"Do it. Call them right now and we'll have ourselves a little chat."

Zoey took a step back.

"I'll ... I'll call once I've properly documented all of your harassment."

"You do that," Miss Stone nodded as she retreated. At the door, Zoey hesitated.

"If I don't get an 'A' in this course, I'll lose my scholarships. I won't be able to afford my tuition."

Miss Stone crossed her arms and kicked her feet up on the desk.

"Well then, I guess you've got a lab report to re-write."

* * *

"What do you mean I'm being evicted from my dorm?"

Saturday mid-morning and Zoey sat before the head of student housing, a sniveling, balding Latinx who seemed to think tacky suspenders and a stutter absolved him from the sin of male privilege. The boring little man cleared his throat carefully before replying.

"M-Miss Greene, w-we've t-t-tried to be accommodating, considering th-th-the ah, _incident_ last spring..."

"You mean how the lack of spiritual barriers on campus left me vulnerable to attack by evil spirits?"

"B-but strictly speaking, our d-d-dormitories are zoned as residential d-d-dwellings. Our administration can't allow you to c-continue using our facilities to operate a, um, private business."

The pathetic excuses washed over Zoey; she heard the explanation for what it truly was.

"You're slut-shaming me!"

"I, ah, w-what?"

"You're slut-shaming me! Evicting me, a struggling student and sex worker from her low-income housing! All because I found a way to monetize my own masturbation!"

The nebbish middle manager stammered and put up his hands. Zoey kept on the attack.

"It eats you up at night, doesn't it? How I found a way out of the student debt trap? How I've become financially independent without relying on a boyfriend or husband to support me? Well just you wait! I'll be in the dean's office, lodging a formal complaint against this department!"

"Miss Greene, pardon my language but it's time to cut the crap."

A slam of the door accompanied the familiar voice. "Dr. Zelinski?" What was the campus therapist - _her_ therapist - doing here?

"Sorry I'm late, Bernardo. She was working that intersectionality bit on you, wasn't she?"

Zoey was taken aback. The middle-aged widow had always been so mild and compassionate during their sessions; now, she was all steel and business, chin up and eyes sharp, ready to arm wrestle Miss Stone into submission.

"Zoey dear, Mr. Chavez asked me to attend this meeting so I could lay out the facts for you. One: you're using our university's buildings and Wi-Fi to run a virtual peep show. That's not good PR. Two: you've been warned multiple times about allowing unauthorized individuals into our student living spaces after hours."

"Lillian is a person experiencing homelessness and -"

"- and could put our students at risk. I haven't even started on the rumors."

"Rumors?"

"That you're luring street girls into your dorm? Coercing them into performing sexual acts with you as part of an online porno?"

At that moment, all the sunny citrine crystal in the world couldn't quell Zoey's fury.

"I trusted you!" she spat. "I told you all about my condition - you know I have an SDI! So how can a demisexual like me possibly have sex with-?"

Dr. Zelinski put both hands on Zoey's shoulders, silencing her.

"Zoey? Admin's already signed off on this decision. We're giving you a week and then you have to find a new place to live."

In the long, silent stare that followed, Zoey realized she was sobbing.

"But ... where am I supposed to go?"

* * *

The campus Womyn's Center - on the outside, simply another conference room allotted for student club use but inside stood a bastion of sanity in a toxic world, a stronghold of feminine resistance among a system dominated by males. Zoey's safe space.

_My friends, they'll know what to do! _Rashida would organize a protest march, they'd contact the independent media, they'd -

"You're late, Zoey. Take a seat."

"Y-yes, of course." Even that icy greeting couldn't disrupt the relief Zoey felt upon seeing her friends. One by one she greeted her sisters-in-arms.

"Hello, Rashida!" The bald, Arabic student in the army jacket kept her arms crossed.

"Hello, Zoey."

"Hello, Ramira!" The Latinx nodded coldly, her bowtie neat and her cropped hair dyed in the pink, yellow and blue stripes of the pansexual identity flag.

"_Vamos. _Hurry it up, Zoey."

"Leshawna, how my girl at?" The heavy-set black girl in the flannel shirt and baseball cap snorted.

"Girl, sit your ass down."

Ah, even a verbal flogging from her closest allies felt welcoming as summer sunshine! Over a dozen regulars had joined the councilwomen in a circle of chairs, each minor member posing with frowns and crossed arms. Zoey spared a passing wave to 'Karen So-and-So' and 'Stacy What's-Her-Name' but her focus lay with Rashida, Ramira and Leshawna, the movers and shakers of their sisterhood.

Together, she and her three allies set the agenda of the Womyn's Center. They organized boycotts, scheduled educational lectures and rallied their sisters in suffering to be the face of change and equity across campus! Why, it felt like just yesterday that they'd chained themselves to the doors of the administrative buildings, calling for the termination of Dr. Windslow – a fifty-something terror who smelled of gin and called his female students 'gals'. It was thanks to their organized outrage that the university had 'retired' Windslow and replaced the pervy drunkard with Miss Yumi!

_Ah._ Just being in the presence of these trusted allies rejuvenated her positive energy faster than any healing crystal!

Then Zoey's eyes fell on the center's latest recruit. Her smile fell to a scowl.

"Hello, Brad."

"Yo-yo to mah Zo-Zo! How you doin', girl? Give yo' sistah some sugah!"

Brad's man-bun and neck-beard bobbed as he glanced up from his mobile game ("_ooh, ooh, onii-chan," _the device wailed). Stretching his arms in a yawn, Brad flashed the group an eyeful of his tacky beach crocs and baggy T-shirt, decorated with two dancing, blue-footed birds and the sleazy slogan, _Show Ya Boobies!_ Naturally, he followed up his yawn by man-spreading his legs for a generous scratch of his ... peripherals.

Even with his sunglasses on, Zoey could sense Brad's eyes ogle her as she took an open chair and smoothed her skirt.

"Dayum, girl, your skirt get shorter or are those legs gettin' longer?"

"Ha, ha. Here's a better question: your balls fall off yet or should I get my pruning shears?"

A nervous murmur trickled around the circle. Rashida sighed.

"Zoey, we've talked about this: Brad is transitioning at her own rate."

"Yeah," Leshawna added. "'Sides, Brad's doc finally got her hormone replacement prescription sorted out."

"_Hormone replacement prescription_? You realize he's just popping Flintstone's chewable vitamins, right?"

Another rippling murmur – directed at Zoey. One of the Karen's spoke up:

"Wow, Zoey – transphobia is _so_ not a good look on you."

"There's more to women than external genitalia!"

"Yeah, Zo-Zo! Why you so obsessed with what's in my pants? I don't see you askin' for a peek at Leshawna's cooch."

"I identify as _Zoey_," she hissed back. "I know a wolf when I see one and I know a dick when it's poking me in the thigh."

Brad swooned like a thespian, mock-thrusting a knife to his chest. "Zo-Zo, you killin' me here. I thought this'd be a welcomin' place fer everyone who identifies as a lady. Gurl, it's really startin' t'sound like you don't _hashtag-believe-all-women._"

To Zoey's chagrin, Ramira and Leshawna nodded in agreement. _Oh for the love of -_

"First off, it's pronounced _#BelieveAllWomen_. Secondly -"

"Secondly," Brad interrupted, "I be takin' baby steps towards expressing my femininity. Look, I let the gals paint my nails!"

Zoey inspected Brad's fingers, then looked to the Karen's and Stacy's - _the enablers!_ \- for an explanation. They shrugged.

"What? Clear is a colour."

Rashida cleared her throat, a call to order.

"Zoey, this is starting to get problematic. Brad has expressed her desire to identify as female and she's already taken a lot of flak from the men on campus."

"My homies on the b-ball team won't stop calling me 'dude' and 'bro'!" At Brad's lament, the chorus of Karen's swooned to his defense.

"Stop being such a transphobe, Zoey!"

"Why would Brad lie to us about who she is?"

"Yeah! What would she have to gain?"

Ramira interjected, reading a sudden text message on her phone. "_Buena! _Good news, girls - the spa just confirmed our group reservation next weekend. We'll have the sauna and steam rooms all to ourselves – no men, no perverts, no towels!"

The Stacy's whooped and cheered – "Yay!" and "hurray" and "ooh, I'll have to shave!" Brad simply kicked back and nodded with a snake-like hiss.

"Niiice..."

Rashida must have read the signs – Zoey's stressed breathing, her clenching fists, her eyes scanning the room for sharp implements – because the chairwoman stood and marched over to put a hand on the cybergoth's shoulder in warning. _Not in my house,_ cautioned Rashida's glare. Chastised, Zoey took her seat. Rashida called for order.

"Let's get to the point behind this meeting. Zoey, this center believes strongly in supporting authentic voices. That's why we always call out cases of plagiarism."

"Excuse me?"

"That speech you gave last month? The one about resisting fraternity rape-culture? Plagiarized. Copied word-for-word from this online ... 'publication'."

One of the Karen's handed Zoey a tablet. On screen was the cover art for _John Link: Social Justice Warrior_, issue #8 - _John Link and the Frosh Boys of the Toxic Fraternity_.

_Oh shit… _

Zoey's blood ran cold. The once-welcoming Womyn's Center had become a pirate galleon on the high seas and she'd been prodded to the edge of a wobbling gangplank by her snarling ship-mates. S_hit, someone IRL found my smut fic! _Zoey's heart trembled, poised between the terror of exposure_ … _and a perverse thrill of recognition.

_Wait, someone here reads John Link? I have a fan?_

Her heart squealed and prepared to backflip off the plank! _I have a fan! So awesome!_

Zoey cleared her throat. She'd try the neutral approach.

"T-the cover art is … pretty detailed. S-so you read the whole thing? I'm seeing this for the first time so maybe you could give me a summary. You know? Tell me … W-what did you think of it?"

Any hope for a glowing review burst when Rashida, Ramira and Leshawna gave simultaneous scoffs.

"For those of you fortunate enough not to have read this filth, _John Link: Social Justice Warrior_ is an ongoing web-comic about a gender-nonconforming anti-hero who's little more than a sad derivative of James Bond. You know the type: the gentleman spy who uses his quote-unquote 'magical penis' to penetrate his antagonists into submission?"

"_Si! _The author claims to be a homosexual male but this is clearly written to pander to the problematic fantasies of cis-het females. Not only does it fetishize relationships between gay, male bodies -"

"- this shit celebrates rape as a tool of mental reprogramming!"

"Aww gross," Brad exclaimed, thumbing through a phone search for John Link. "You can see their dicks 'n everythin'!"

All around the circle, the Karen's and Stacy's began their own photo searches, erupting in disgusted 'ewws' and judgemental 'icks'.

Zoey trembled but she had her artist's pride. _I have to do something!_

"T-that's an interesting interpretation, Rashida b-but from what I'm seeing here – for the first time, might I add – John and his ... 'paramour' seem to be enjoying their time together! I've heard that online fandoms refer to these relationship tropes as 'dubious consent'. Y-you know? ... Dub-con?"

Ramira's words hit like a hammer blow.

"Zoey, being wide-spread does not excuse a trope from being toxic."

"W-well, maybe the author plagiarized me! You ever stop to consider that?"

"Hmm, good point. An online, anonymous author was so inspired by the speech you delivered -"

"- to these _amigas, _these club members -"

"- that bitch just hadda stick it in their next issue!"

Rashida addressed the group.

"Ladies, hands up - anyone here enjoy appropriating Japanese media and turning gay culture into a circus sideshow?"

Not a single hand went up.

_Fuck._

"Zoey, first you're late for meetings and now you're pumping this digital filth all over the Internet."

"_No buena. _We're seriously re-considering your membership with this group -"

"- so y'all ah lucky we go by a 'three-strike' policy."

"Unless," Rashida added, "anyone has further grievances to raise."

The floor was open but – thank the goddesses – herd mentality kept the Karen's and Stacy's too shy and embarrassed to speak up. Zoey was already planning her counter-offensive. _I'll get out of here, do my research on female manga-kas and show them all how -_

A cough.

Fucking Brad! Why did he have his hand up?

"Um, now ladies, I ain't tryin' t'impose in front of y'all naturally-born females -"

"This is a safe space," Rashida assured him. "We won't judge."

"Well, it's just ... Zo-Zo. Don't y'all think she's trying just a teeny bit too hard to be, well, feminine?"

"Excuse me?"

Rashida silenced her, nodding for Brad to continue.

"I mean, look at 'er – the long hair an' make-up, the short skirts an' flashy colours. Bitch always be shavin' her legs too. Ain't it all just a little too try-hard? Almost like … I dunno, like she got somethin' t'prove?"

"Umm, first of all, I'm a sex worker in a man's world! I have to present feminine to stay competitive. Second –"

"_Un momento,_" Ramira interrupted, pursing her lips intently. "I think Brad's on to something."

"Agreed," Rashida continued. "Zoey, you self-identify as a female Wiccan - or at least that's what you've told us."

"But what if you're just putting up an elaborate façade? What if you're accentuating your femininity to mask your true gender identity?"

"Maybe," Leshawna proposed, "Maybe, deep down, y'all actually identify as -"

"- as a male," Rashida hissed.

A chorus of scandalized gasps. As the groupies began whispering among themselves, Zoey calculated she had fifteen seconds to mount a counter-argument. Fifteen seconds to steer the conversation in her defense and knock down these accusations of masculinity. She could do it, she was ready!

But then Brad erupted from his seat, shrieking and pointing.

"Holy shit, she's a dude! There's a dude in the Womyn's Center!"

And the Karen's and Stacy's exploded into panic. "Zoey, we trusted you!" "I thought this was a safe space!" "I can't breathe around men!" "Help me, I'm being triggered!"

Then the accusations flew.

"This one time, at the bar? I saw Zoey chug back an ethically sourced, locally brewed, fair trade craft beer and I'm sure I saw an Adam's apple!"

"Oh come on," Zoey scoffed, "You can't seriously believe –"

"This one time, on her Twitter feed? I saw Zoey down-vote a YouTube clip of Shania Twain's _Man, I feel Like a Woman_!"

"That was an ironic dislike!"

"That scar on her chest? She says it's from a heart surgery but what if it was surgery for breast reduction?"

"My aorta collapsed when I was twelve!"

"Girls, this one time in the dorm showers? Zoey had a doctor's note stenciled on her thigh. It had an arrow pointing to her noony and it read, _put dick here, plz_."

"That was for my live stream! I don't _actually_ want a – Rashida, help me out!"

But the three councilwomen shook their heads with the deepest of disappointment. Zoey screamed internally.

_This is madness! A sham trial! These idiots can say anything they want and I can't say a damn thing in my defense! This is – this is –_

Her eyes widened at the truth.

"This is a witch hunt…"

"I think we've heard enough," Rashida announced. "All in favor of expelling Zoey from the campus Womyn's Center?"

The vote was unanimous. "Vadge-AYE-nah!"

"Well, well," Brad chuckled. "Looks like … you go, girl!"

Zoey didn't move. She couldn't respond. _A witch hunt …_ Her vision swam, simple breathing racked her with pain. Never before had a betrayal cut so deep and yet …

Never before had her identity been so validated!

"I'm a witch…" she whispered. A giddy rush of butterflies danced through her chest. "I'm a witch." The small sob in her throat grew in menace.

"_I'm a witch!"_

Zoey threw her head back and cackled at the top of her lungs. Maybe her vision was simply failing but the lights seemed to grow dim while her shadow grew tall and ferocious. The Karen's and Stacy's clung to each other, whimpering.

"That's right- I am a witch! And I possess dark magic the likes of which this world has never seen! A curse! A curse on all of you who would cast me out! May your relationships be plagued by problematic men! May your social media feeds boil over with toxic content! And … I dunno, have a really shitty period! Go to hell each and every last one of you!"

Zoey bolted for the door, cursing the pressurized hinges that kept her from slamming the frame on the lot of them!

_My scholarships, my home, my friends! _Why? Why was the world turning against her?

Barreling down the campus quad with tears streaming down her cheeks, Zoey needed time to retreat, time to recover. The last thing she needed was to hear a shrill, obnoxious squeal calling her name but – _ain't that life? Kick 'em while they're down._

"OHAYO! WAIT UP, ZOEY-SENPAI!"

_Oh, damn it all to hell…_


	7. Beyond Trigger Warnings! Zoey vs Suki!

"Zoey-senpai, Zoey-senpai!"

Ignoring the sickly-sweet squeals, the cybergoth clenched her teeth and played dumb. Anyone with half a brain would have taken the hint but peppy little Suki dogged after her like the worst kind of clingy fan-girl. _A dog,_ Zoey seethed. A_ pampered little lapdog without the brains to know it's not wanted!_

And now, this simple-minded mutt was trotting straight into the den of a whipped and abused lion.

There would be blood.

Mindless of the personal hell she was intruding on, Suki bounded to Zoey's side and tugged the black girl's wrist for attention. "Senpaiii, notice me!"

Zoey bristled. "_What?"_

"Ohayo!" Suki chirped, none the wiser. "Did I surprise you, senpai?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Kuroko-chan told me you were part of a girls-only club on campus and I wanted to check it out! Oro? Did I miss the meeting?"

"Missed it by a mile." Goddess, if only this trusting mutt had joined the session. Maybe those lionesses at the Womyn's Center would have savaged her instead. _Fuck my life!_

"Well that's okay. I really just wanted to hang out with you, Zoey-senpai. Wanna get some boba tea?"

Zoey ignored the offer, her heterochromic lenses wincing at by the fashion monstrosity before her. "Are you … are you wearing a _schoolgirl uniform?_"

"Hai!" Suki confirmed, twirling to show off her threads: a blue tartan that barely skirted her thighs; a white blouse straining to hold in her white girl chub and a blue necktie sitting nearly horizontal against her tits. It was fetish gear to rival the most insidious outfits in Tiffany Maye's "innocent, girl next door" wardrobe and Zoey's stomach lurched every time a passing student glanced their way.

"Pretty kuru, ne?" Suki beamed. "I figured if I was gonna meet my senpai on campus, I'd better look the part and put on my sailor fuku!"

People were beginning to point and whisper.

"How lovely," Zoey hissed, shielding her face with her hand. "Let me guess, you picked it up at a Halloween costume shop?"

"No, silly! I won it two years ago at Onii-Con. The state anime convention? Suki made it to second place in the karaoke competition!"

A sudden wince. Suki reached under her skirt to pull her bunched up underwear out of her butt-crack. "It's a little tight," she admitted. "The con chairs only bought 'medium' sizes – _anta baka? –_ but still, these clothes are filled with precious memories!"

_Memories or sweat stains? _Zoey cringed at the greasy-brown tummy rolls squeezing out from Suki's waistband.

"Ooh, wanna hear the song I sang, senpai? It's called _Cruel Angel's Thesis_ and it's a super deep anime song. _Za-n-ko-ku na tennnshi no yo-u ni -!"_

Suki belted out her song, oblivious to the gawkers snapping pics and recording clips for Instagram. Zoey yanked down her goggles and stormed off mid-chorus. The ringing in her ears, which she'd come to understand as a trigger warning, had grown to a deafening hiss, the meat of her brain sizzling to a crisp.

Rashida, Ramira, Leshawna - why had they turned against her when a creature like this threatened the campus? Couldn't they see? Instead of dividing and devouring their own, they had to stand united against this insidious cultural appropriation!

_Why?_ Zoey railed to the demons of her mind, _why do you get to act however you please and flaunt whatever problematic trash you love? Why am I the one who gets called out and de-platformed?_

"Oro? Where are you going, Zoey-senpai?"

"To the book store. See if they have any cardboard boxes. I have to pack up my dorm room."

"Oh, you're moving? Subarashi! Where to?"

"How should I know? I just found out this morning that I'm _being evicted!_"

"N-nani? How come? Is this why Kuroko-chan texted me last night?"

"Lillian?" Zoey spun around. "You spoke with her? What did she say?"

"_Eto_... well, she kinda called you a bunch of mean names so I figured you two had a fight or something. After that, I didn't hear back from her. I think her battery died. Are you and Lillian-chan fighting, senpai?"

Suki touched her elbow, a show of female solidarity. Zoey wrenched her arm away.

"We're not fighting," she spat. "That would imply we're still interacting with each other. Lillian left the dormitory after I informed her I wouldn't put up with her sexual harassment any longer!"

Suki didn't have any good response other than to gasp loudly.

"EHH? Well, umm… Oh, I know! You can come stay with me, Zoey-senpai! I'll set up the couch, move some stuff and we can be nakama!"

Zoey stopped. Spun around. Under her merciless glare, Suki's smile finally faltered.

"Don't you get it? I don't want your charity, I don't want your white sympathy - I don't want anything to do with you at all!"

Suki's lips warbled.

"D-did I do bad?"

"_Did I do bad?_ You're beyond bad, Suki! You're toxic! The way you dress, the way you speak – you … you … you're the reason nobody takes my Japanese friend seriously!"

"What did -?"

"My friend is the most talented graphic artist in the online BL fandom! She should be headlining Comiket! But the minute she approaches a publishing house, all they'll see is an Asian girl and think 'oh, another talentless clown like that Suki girl'!"

"I … Suki never meant to hurt anybody…"

"Well too bad, buttercup! Your very existence insights violence and hatred against people of Asian descent! It's your fault I got kicked out of the Womyn's Center! You're the reason Lillian left me!"

Yes, Rashida had seen them together in the library! That must have instigated the research into Zoey's online activities!

"I get triggered just breathing the same air as you! You're culturally insensitive, you're problematic and if I have to spend one more minute explaining everything wrong about your lifestyle, I'm going to collapse from Black exhaustion!"

Zoey clutched her racing heart. Through bleary eyes she noticed the admin building's flagpole, its once-proud stars and stripes now drooping in the afternoon heat like a limp dishrag. In a bizarre fit of patriotism, Zoey stood straight and shot a finger at the deflated red, white and blue. "You're everything that's wrong with America today!"

Suki's eyes warbled, two quivering heaps of grape jelly.

"S-senpai?"

"I'm not your _anything_, you clown! Now get out of here!"

Suki turned and ran, howling a sobbing stream of _"Zoey no bakaaa!"_

The students recording the showdown all paused awkwardly.

The cybergoth snorted and stomped away.

* * *

Turned out the bookstore had boxes aplenty, boxes galore. "Plenty good room when you're being kicked out of your room!" Zoey ranted to no one in particular.

Just empty boxes but damn were they cramping her arm muscles. Maybe a fitness routine of repeated wrist and hip thrusts wasn't exactly endurance building. Zoey's arms were stacked so high that she had to steal glances around her boxes to keep her bearings, and even that proved haphazard.

"Oof," erupted a dull, male grunt as she collided with a passerby.

"Dammit," Zoey cursed, flat on her ass.

"Sorry about that. You okay?"

The hand extended in offering belonged to a tall and suave white boy, peroxide-blonde hair arranged in the artful mess of a wannabe rock star. He dressed well enough – a partially unbuttoned dress shirt offering a glimpse of his sculpted chest – but one look at his sparkling green eyes and his cocksure smile told Zoey all she needed to know: this was one of the self-styled Players of Glenberry. A pick-up artist of the lowest order.

Zoey swatted his hand away.

"I don't need a man to help me." Lifting herself up, Zoey went about collecting her scattered boxes. The boy was surprisingly quick to adjust, grabbing up the nearest boxes.

"Let me help you out. Name's Mike, by the way. Mike Winters."

"Oh I know who you are," Zoey growled. Perversely, her warning only seemed to intrigue him further.

"No kidding? Didn't peg you as a fan." Mike's grin grew to Cheshire cat proportions as he popped another button on his dress shirt. "Hey, if you like my stuff, you should pop by Lusties tonight. Doing a special set with the boys. A fans-only kind of thing."

"A set with the boys?" Dear goddess, was he trying to sell her on an orgy? "I'm not that kind of woman!"

"Fair enough," Mike shrugged. "Look, while you're here, maybe you could help me out."

"Let me guess, you want my help with that throbbing bulge in your pants?"

"What?" The young man recoiled. "What're you- ? Never mind. Look, I'm trying to find my cousin. She went missing a couple weeks ago; family hasn't seen her since. She's listed on all the police missing person's posters but someone keeps vandalizing those so I'm handing out flyers."

A crumpled leaflet forced its way into Zoey's hand. _All that for a flyer?_ "You didn't have to be so sketchy about it."

"Sketchy?"

"All the charm? The flirting? I know how your kind operates."

"I was trying to be –"

"Stop. Just stop. There's only one thing men like you want and it's disgusting."

The boy blanked.

"I'm – you know what, I'm not even going to bother. Would you just look at her picture?"

Scoffing and rolling her eyes, Zoey relented. She glanced at the leaflet.

And immediately frowned.

"It's an old photo," Mike shrugged. "Last I saw, she'd dyed her hair –"

"I don't need you to mansplain your cousin's new look. I'll call if I see her," Zoey snapped before stomping off. Even for her, that had been abrupt but she needed to get away.

She needed time to process.

Zoey returned to the photograph. It seemed to be from some sort of teen beauty pageant – either that or the most cringe-inducing Shirley Temple cosplay ever. A chalk-faced girl whose angel blonde locks had been forced into tacky ringlets and bows, a poufy, pink ball gown worn like a prisoner's frock. The hair, the fashion – all new and never before seen.

_But those eyes_. Something about the sullen glare in those violet lights. _I know those eyes!_

She read the girl's name aloud.

"Lilly … Winters?"

But before Zoey could process, her phone buzzed. Shifting her boxes and cramming the flyer inside, she fished out her device. The message on screen made her forget all else.

**=Cera_Bella=**  
_Sensei...  
(;_;)_  
_Help me…_

"Cera? What in the world?"

And then her message feed flooded over with distraught emoji: anguished faces, sobbing faces; even a green, throwing-up-as-I-sob-myself-to-sleep face. Zoey's chat history became a cutesy cascade of virtual misery. No amount of bright, cartoony yellow could muffle the sheer pain behind this cry for help.

_Cera's in trouble!_

She tried typing back but her fingers stumbled over the on-screen keyboard. _Computer! I need my computer!_

Zoey ran for the dorms like her life depended on it.


	8. After the Hurt! A Time for Comfort!

Slamming the door behind her, Zoey dived through her green screen curtains and lunged at her keyboard.

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Cera, what happened?_

A pause, then a lone smiley emoji broke through the chorus of sobbing.

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_:D Blake-sensei! _

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_:(  
It's awful!  
That new friend I was telling you about?  
Well she got super mad at me today and told me she hates me!_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Why? What happened?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_I dunno!  
She was talking so fast.  
She said I was hurting Japanese people because of how I dress and act._

Zoey's fingers froze over the keyboard. Her jaw dropped.

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_=:(  
That ... BITCH!_

Oh goddess, it was worse than she thought. Cera's friend was a gatekeeper! A so-called "expert" who used her authority to bully vulnerable minorities into conformity! Well this whore wasn't dunking Cera_Bella into the American melting pot, not if Zoey Greene had anything to say about it.

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Cera, there is no such thing as 'Asian enough' or 'American enough'.  
You're Asian American!  
Anyone who tells you otherwise is a bigot and should rot in hell. _

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_But ..._

_She's kinda right. I'm not really Asian..._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_NO.  
FULL STOP - NO!  
It doesn't matter what other people tell you.  
The most important thing about your identity is that YOU feel it.  
YOU. ARE. VALID._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Sensei..._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_This 'friend' of yours?  
Stay away from her.  
She's probably so insecure about her own identity that she projects her self-loathing onto others._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Arigato, Blake.  
(i~i;)  
__You've always been so nice to me.  
I guess that's why I like you so much.  
(*Cera huggles Blake.*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_You're an amazing person, Cera.  
Seriously – I can write all the dialogue I want but you're the one who brings our stories to life with your awesome illustrations.  
Never let anyone tell you you're less than perfect._

_(*Blake comforts Cera with head pats.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_..._

_\\_(Q o Q)_/  
AAD;DSFHSDF;_

_SENSEI!  
How did you know just what I needed?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Lol, I dunno.  
Maybe all these anime shows you talk about started rubbing off on me._

_Hey, do you wanna talk shop about the next issue?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_No, not really.  
If it's okay, I just wanna sit here with you._

_(*Cera sits next to Blake, leans on his shoulder and closes her eyes.*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Whatever you need. I'm here for you.  
(*Blake puts an arm around Cera's napping form.*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=** **shared the link "Lo-fi_chill_tunes_playlist".**

Comfort and reassurances delivered, Zoey stood and began the humiliating process of boxing up her textbooks and clothes. The laidback music crooning from her computer speakers ensured that she and Cera would stay connected. A lump began growing in her throat as she packed away her John Link story notebooks. _This room, it's where Cera and I planned our Social Justice Warrior webcomics together..._

University dorms offered privacy and generous Wi-Fi. What if she had to share space with a homophobic roommate or a building without cheap Internet? _What if this is the last time Cera and I can work together and support each other?_

A chime from her messenger app. Zoey dropped everything and returned to her computer.

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Eto… sensei?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Yeah?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_I really like being with you._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_:)  
I was just thinking the same thing.  
You're an amazing friend, Cera._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Like, I  
I have other friends online  
and they make me feel OwO  
but you're the only one who makes me go UwU._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_umm…  
wow._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Cera sits up and looks into Blake's steely eyes.*)  
I really felt super-bad today  
but talking with my Blake-sensei always makes me genki again.  
You're such a good listener  
and you always remind me to stand up for myself  
not to let people get me down.  
That it doesn't matter if I'm into different things  
That it's okay to be loud and proud about what you love  
even if everybody tells you it's wrong or ecchi._

_…_

_ (*Cera kisses Blake on the cheek.*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_…_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_ (o_o;)  
umm...  
(*Cera shifts nervously*)_

Zoey touched her cheek, warm and blushing from the virtual kiss.

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_('Q o Q')  
G-gomen nasai!  
I shouldn't have done that.  
I know you like guys!_

Right, to Cera_Bella, she was Blake Panzer, a suave and handsome black man who wrote the steamiest Boy's Love stories this side of the equator. A half-unbuttoned dress shirt exposed his broad chest, a neon-blue goatee framed his confident smile and smouldering, heterochromatic eyes melted the hearts of homosexual men everywhere.

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_I like -writing- about gay men  
but I'm actually a panromantic demisexual._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_...  
Hang on, can I Google that?_

Zoey groaned. Alarm bells clanged in her ears, warning her to back away, to log off; to detach herself from this growing intimacy. And yet -

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Cera…_

_Thank you.  
You mean a lot to me too.  
(*Blake gives Cera a kiss on the forehead.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_fsd;fjsd;ldsj;fsdf;lsafds;f_

_SENSEI~!_

_YOU MEAN IT?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Yeah, I ...  
(*Blake pecks Cera on the lips.*)  
Yeah._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_\\_(=0 o 0=)_/ (! ! !)_

_(*Cera snuggy-wuggies with her sensei! She never wants to let him go!*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Blake chuckles and lets Cera cuddle on his lap. So long as she's happy, he's happy.*)_

Zoey sighed along with her avatar. Whereas Lillian's confession had left her nervous and clammy, she was surprisingly at ease with Cera_Bella's affections. _I can log off any time I feel triggered,_ Zoey reasoned. And honestly, she needed a bit of comfort after the hurt she'd been put through these last twenty-four hours.

Besides, they were just overly affectionate kisses between friends, right?

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Thank you, Cera.  
I really needed this._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_^v^_

_Hey  
Is it okay if I ... try something?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Umm…  
Okay. Go for it._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(OwO)  
Um...  
...okay!_

_Hold still for a second, m'kay?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Okay.  
..._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_XD  
I mean, don't type.  
I wanna do something for you._

Zoey entered two 'palms up' emojis to signal she would type no more. Cera replied with a happy face. For a long while there was only **=Cera_Bella= is typing... **Then, with a faraway click of the 'Enter' button -

Zoey's eyes went wide.

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Cera gives Blake a last cuddle, then she starts sliding down his warm, firm body, loving the feel of his bara-bara muscles through his shirt. Down and down she runs until her palms arrive at his thighs. The rough denim of his jeans feels so good, almost as good as Cera's about to make him feel.*)_

_(*Cera gives Blake a smile before popping the button of his jeans, zipping them open and wriggling them down to his knees. But she doesn't stop there. Inching her way up his hairy legs, Cera pulls down the waistband of Blake's boxers. SPROING! She's motto happy to see how hard, how tall he's already gotten. All because of her.*)_

_(*Smiling, Cera takes her new toy in her hand, rubbing gently up the shaft, getting to know its texture, feeling the blood pulsing doki-doki through its thick veins. Finally, she brings it eye to eye: that kawaii, bulging tip, staring at her like a sticky, chocolate pocky stick. Cera puckers her lips and gives it a 'hello' kiss. *chuu~*. She feels Blake gasp and shudder beneath her and she smiles. If one quick little kissy-poo's gotten him that excited, he doesn't know what he's in for next!*)_

Then it stopped.

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_:D  
Continue? Y/N _

Zoey read the wall of text a second time, then a third. She pulled down her goggles and read again with magnification, making sure she hadn't misinterpreted a single glowing pixel. There was no mistake. Her online, gender-swapped persona had just been virtually fellated.

In her silence, Cera was growing nervous, dropping emojis with squirmy, wriggling smiles. Zoey chewed a finger carefully. _This is getting out of hand._ Her hands hovered over the keyboard as she swallowed carefully.

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Blake ... isn't sure what to think. This is so unexpected, so unlike Cera. A part of him is telling him to stop, to back away.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_:(_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*but another part, a stronger part is saying...*)_

_Y_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_:D_

While the chat informed her that **=Cera_Bella= is typing...**, Zoey nodded decisively. _This is the right thing to do. _Somewhere in this harsh, woman-hating world, a young Asian-American girl was resisting her stereotypical expectation to be a 'demure, Japanese housewife'. There would be no bowing or coy blushing from Cera_Bella; no ma'am. This strong, independent woman wanted to unleash her raunchy side and Zoey would be there to validate that defiance!

_This isn't about getting off on smut,_ Zoey told herself. This was about sending a giant 'fuck you' to Japan's backwards treatment of females! This was her John Link moment where Zoey transformed into the Social Justice Warrior! _For the sake of an equitable future, I will get my imaginary dick sucked off!_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Slowly, carefully, Cera kisses Blake again, only this time she lets his tip slide softly into her mouth like a big, warm chocolate pop.*)_

_(*shloop*)_

_(*As her lips fasten around his wee-wee, Blake grunts. Cera hums softly, letting him know it's daijoubu, that she'll be careful with him. Blake exhales. Now it's her tongue's turn to greet its new guest.*)_

_(*'Moshi moshi', tongue-san says, - a quick flick that makes Blake stiffen inside her mouth. 'Hello, again', this time softly swirling round and round Blake. Then her lips pull back with a 'smack'. Cera sees the bit of pre-cum she's coaxed out and she giggles as tongue-san mops it up with a happy 'slurp' and a smack.*)_

_XD  
Continue? Y/N_

Zoey clacked the keys.

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Don't stop._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Cera takes Blake inside her again, only this time she doesn't stop at his bulging head. She bobs up and down, each time taking a bit more of his shaft inside her. Tongue-san licks at the underside, slathering it wet.*)_

_(*Pap, pap, pap! Blake hits the roof of her mouth but Cera keeps going - she sees how much he enjoys this, how much he needs this, so she takes him all the way down to his base.*)_

A pause.

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_;D  
Blake?_

Cera was passing her the baton! _Umm… oh crap._ How did you write a male orgasm? In her John Link scripts, she'd always just written "John cums" and left Cera to illustrate the dirty details. _Err…sexy. Gotta make it sexy …_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Blake feels warm and tingly all over, like an alarm bell is buzzing inside his balls. Like he's a sausage and his casing is about to burst. There's a microwave burrito between Blake's legs and Cera has just nuked him on high for three and a half minutes. He can feel his load coming. He's ready to blow chunks!*)_

(*_Blake quickly pulls Cera off his member so he can respectfully shoot off into his palm.*)_

Yes, that was the feminist move to make.

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*but Cera flings his hands away and stuffs Blake's hot, throbbing weenie back down her throat. She wants Blake to feel good, ohhh so good and she wants this so bad. To take his love into her.*)_

_OwO  
Blake ... onegai?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Blake nods in understanding. Cupping the back of Cera's head, he helps her bob up and down his phallus until he can't hold back. Blake feels the surge - like he's got a water bottle between his thighs and he's squeezing its sides. It all comes gushing out, coating Cera's throat with -_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_yes?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*coating Cera's throat…_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_YES?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*with…_

_…_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_OwO_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*… hot, vanilla yogurt?*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_o_O_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(i _ i;)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_…  
(YOSH!)  
….v  
d-(0 u O)-b_

**=BlakePanzer0=  
**_(0_0!)_

_(^w^)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Cera smacks her lips as she swallows down her nummy treat! There's more of Blake's yummy yogurt spurting from his twitching pee-pee and Cera laps it up, smacking her lips._ _Itadakimasu!*)_

Back at her computer terminal, Zoey reminded herself to exhale. _I ... I just had online, gender-swapped oral sex._ What's more, her skin wasn't crawling, her ears weren't ringing. Not a single trigger. All she really felt was ... giddy! And naughty!

_Simulating heterosexual, male-centered sex acts. Rashida would flip her lid if she could see me now!_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_So?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_So?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Was it good for you?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_That was ... something._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_LOL, was that Blake's first time?_

**=BlakePanzer0=** _  
No comment._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Aww, kawaii~_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_You're certainly … descriptive._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_lol uwu, arigato! I had lots of practice with my secret boyfriend._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Oh, this was back in high school. There was this boy who confessed to me. He told me his parents put him into an arranged marriage but that he loved me so much that he just had to be with me!_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_That's bold._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Mmh, so we dated in secret.  
He didn't know how much time we'd have together so things moved pretty fast._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_I see.  
And he was good going down on you?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Oh, he never did oral. He said, in his culture a girl's noony is a dirty spot and it would dishonour him if he touched me there._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Well that's a bullshit cultural practice._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_I was surprised too.  
But I guess that's how they do things over in Canada._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_…  
What?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Yeah, he was a transfer student. All the way from Nova Scotia, eh!_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_And he told you to be his secret girlfriend.  
And made you give him BJs?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Hai! He always said I had such pretty lips and how sexy I looked when I took him in me.  
He'd pat my head after and say I was a 'good pet'. OwO  
He was always bragging to his friends about how good I was._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Wait, I thought he was your secret boyfriend._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Oh he was. We had to keep it a secret from his mum and dad._

_When the school found out about us, everyone was so mean about it.  
But he was megas-sweet!  
When everyone started calling me 'Sarah Suckerface', he'd tell me not to listen – that I should keep my chin down, relax my lip and keep going._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_I thought the expression was 'chin UP, STIFF upper lip.'_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_No, chin down.  
Otherwise his pee-pee would jam on the roof of my mouth and he hated that._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(– ... –)  
This guy sounds like -_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_oh ... baaaka._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_What?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Welp, I screwed up.  
I just told you my real name._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_…  
Sarah?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Hai.  
You just got blown by Sarah Sucks-a-lot.  
:(_

Zoey chewed her nail, deliberating.

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Sarah. That's a pretty name. I'm Den-_

_Denis._

It was only by the grace of the goddess that she backspaced on the final 'e'. _Well, it's all out there now._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Denis-kun. Den-Den. Kawaii!_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_It's a dumb name. My parents gave it to me but I don't use it anymore._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Well I think it's kuru. 'D' for dependable!  
And besides, isn't the most important thing how YOU feel about your identity?  
Denis is VALID!_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_…  
Thank you.  
No one's ever said that about me before.  
I mean, the 'me' I was assigned at birth.  
Denis._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_^_^  
oro?  
(*Sarah notices Denis-kun's bulgy-wulgy.*)  
Ooh, maybe the 'D' also stands for something naughty!_

_Wanna RP another ecchi scene?  
B===D - ((i))_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Sure.  
(*Denis sits Sarah atop his lap.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Sarah slides off quickly.*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_It's better if Sarah's on the bottom. She's heavy._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Sarah…_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_It's okay, Sarah understands if-_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Denis looks Sarah in the eye, and he doesn't let her look away.*)  
Don't let anyone fat-shame you. Do you know what men want?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_0_0;  
Boobies?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(-_-)  
Well, besides that._

Zoey typed quickly, she knew this part verbatim.

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_The last thing they want  
(I mean, we want)  
is to make love to a rail-thin bag of bones. We want meat, we want curves. Don't anyone tell you you're fat or overweight. You are a goddess._

_Now you sit down. And don't you dare type._

Zoey cracked her knuckles and went to work.

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Denis pulls Sarah into an embrace and he kisses her, hard and firm. He kisses her so she can feel it – feel how much he wants her. Every last curvy bit of her.*)_

_(*Then he grabs the straps of her dress and he pulls it clean off.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Itaai!*)  
(*Sarah only has her undies left!*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*And Denis takes those off too. He unhooks her bra. It takes him two damn minutes because he's a guy and apparently unclasping a simple hook is fucking beyond him but it comes off.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Whaa, Sarah's big, fat boobies come flopping out!*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Then Denis bends down and does the same for Sarah's underwear.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Sarah's pantsu!*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Wait, I thought Sarah started with a dress._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_She did._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Then why is she wearing pant-  
never mind.  
The point is, Sarah is naked in front of him._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Sarah shivers! She can't let Denis-kun see her because_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*She looks fucking amazing.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_... o.o_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Denis hugs her tight, grabs the thick of her ass and smacks it. God, it feels so good, so thick; so full. He rubs his hands over her tummy, loving every excess inch of her softness, her fullness. He never wants to let go of her love handles.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_owo_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Finally her breasts, so full, so big - he can barely get his hands around either one and he loves the way they spill out and over his palms.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_but Sarah has pancake nipples..._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*And Denis sucks his mouth over them, one at a time, loving each one so tenderly. Denis is hungry, and fuck, Sarah bare skin tastes so juicy in his mouth. Denis sucks on her nipples till they're hard and budding, then he rubs them between his fingers.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Sarah starts unbuttoning Denis' shirt.*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Fuck that. Denis is already naked. Poof.  
I'm not fucking waiting._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Yatta!  
(*Ooh, Denis is built! Sarah nuzzles her face all over his sweaty muscles. She feels so safe and warm with him, desu!*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Denis sits down on the couch, legs spread so his cock sproings up like a radio antenna. He's tuned into a sexy signal and Sarah is his satellite. It waggles like a puppy tail - it wants to play.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Sarah giggles. She knows she shouldn't go near strange dogs, but her pussy thinks she can be friends with this wild animal.*)_

_(*Sarah lies down on the couch -_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_No._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Sarah bends over the coffee table -_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_No._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Well how're we -_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Denis takes Sarah by the hand and he guides her forward until she straddles him on the couch. His cockhead brushes the folds of her pussy lips, hungry and impatient.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_oooh!  
Sara looks  
dwn and gas s at b akes b g  
meaty pe_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_You okay? Need a minute to brainstorm?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_No nt that.  
Jus  
harrrd 2 wrte this_

_hard to write this one-handed._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(0.0;)  
Oh, you're -?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Y_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_…_

_Can I join?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_^w^! 3  
Give me a sec..._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Sure._

Zoey took the opportunity to rummage through her goodie drawer and retrieve her bullet mouse. True to its name, the vibrator was tiny – a rounded nub on the end of an electrical cord, tight as a bullet and packing just as big of a wallop. Too 'lame' and 'hard to see' for her dildo-hungry viewers but Zoey had always ridden the best highs on her little soldier.

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Okay, I'm back._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Good to go?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Yeah, I moved my laptop so it's in front of the corner of my desk._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Raow!_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_XD  
Behave!_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Okay, where were we?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_ (*Denis takes Sarah by the hand and he guides her forward until she straddles him on the couch. His cockhead brushes the folds of her pussy lips, hungry, impatient.*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Right!_

_(*Denis grasps Sarah by her thick, chubby hips and adorns her chest with kisses. His cockhead nuzzles against her lips, so soft, so moist.*)_

Zoey switched her bullet to level one, hissing at the sudden buzz against her clit.

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Continue? Y/N_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Mmh, hurry..._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Slowly, carefully - not because he believes in chivalry or that patriarchal claptrap - but because he wants Sarah to savor the moment, Denis eases her onto him, watches her lips spread to accept his cock. First his bulging head, then his throbbing, stiff shaft.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_How long?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_What, time?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_No, how long is Denis' weenie?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Four and a half inches._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Ohhhh, Denis is being modest. He's a foot long, and Sarah takes every aching inch into her until her chubby bum is resting on Denis' lap.*)_

_^o^  
aahh..._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Denis gasps as he enjoys this moment - being close, being one with this fleshy goddess.*)_

_(*Then Denis starts to thrust.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Sarah bounces up,*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*His cock slides out of her,*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*and then she falls back onto him, massaging little Den-Den with her slippery walls,*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*while he drives her wild with his hard thickness!*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_oooh!  
(*Sarah closes her eyes and puts her hands on Denis' chest. Oh, she wants to grab his chest hair and hold tight.*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Denis grasps her breasts in his hands, fondling them roughly as he continues to thrust into her.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Sarah's big, bouncy bubble-butt ground-pounds into Denis' thighs. Ooh, it's like he's spanking her every time! Sarah's a naughty girl!*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Denis brings his head down and pinches Sarah's nipple with his teeth.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Haaaa, oh, that's just what Sarah likes. Harder, Denis, harder!_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Denis sucks her whole areola into his mouth and swirls his tongue over that sweet, cinnamon pancake. Her sweat is like syrup.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Sarah squeezes her goddess-sized boobies together so Denis can motorboat her! She wants to feel him nuzzle her pillowy chest forever. She feels so good!*)_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_(*Down below, Denis keeps slapping his rod against her pussy.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*And Sarah slams hard against his diccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Sarah?_

_?_

_Sarah?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_…_

_Oh wow,_

_I just came._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_whoa._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_yeah..._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Um, do you need a minute?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_No  
I'm good.  
ohh wowwww,  
I am SO GOOD! XD_

_Have you …?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Not yet._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_ooh!  
VuV  
Then hands off your pants, mister! Sarah's gonna finish you off._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Yes ma'am!_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Wait for me, okay?  
This is gonna be REALLY special._

"Okay," Zoey chirped, wincing as soon as she realized there was no one to hear. _Not thinking straight,_ she chided herself, but who could think when their heart pounded with such excitement?

Her bullet had vibrated over to her hip while she'd concentrated on the couch scene. With both hands now freed, Zoey could properly pull aside her panties and trace the buzzing head over and around her vagina. _Just to warm up,_ she told herself, though she honestly didn't know how long she could last. Writing all that smut had gotten her so wet; now, the suspense was killing her!

_Is she typing it in a text file first?_ The chat wasn't indicating any off-screen typing. _Wait, what the -?_

**=Cera_Bella= sent you a file.  
**_sarah-.-mp3 – open – download_

A sharp intake of air. Zoey's cursor hovered over, hesitated and then clicked 'open'. She barely remembered to throw on her headset.

The recording was crude and thick with background static. It was impossible to distinguish much about the voice, only that it was clearly female. At first, Zoey thought there was an error, just fuzz and a rhythmic crackle. Then -

_"Haaa… Ohayo, Denis. It's Sarah-chan. Oh wow… can't believe I'm actually doing this but … Yosh! Here goes!"_

Zoey eased the tip of her bullet into her lips. Her free hand pressed the headset hard against her ear.

_"Are you comfy, Denis-kun? Mmmh… I'm in my room right now, imagining that this microphone is your bulgy-wulgy. That's why my lips are so close to it. Haa… And you know what else, Denis?"_

Zoey leaned into her screen.

_"I'm naay-kee…"_

"Ah!" Zoey curled over as her bullet slipped inside – to the hilt!

A giggle. "_I betcha you're listening super good now, Den-Den. Yeah, my clothes are all over the floor, even my pantsu and… mmmh, I'm rubbing myself aaall over, imagining these are your hands touching Sarah, teasing Sarah … unh … having their way with my body."_

The microphone scraped and shifted position. Then came a wet, squelching sound that Zoey knew intimately from her work.

_"Ooh, can you hear me, Denis? Mmh, can you hear the ecchi noises my body is making? That's you, Denis. You're doing this to m-ahh… my body. Ooh, you're making me feel so subarashi. I keep thinking about your long, hard wee-wee and how it's filling me up. Yeahhh, I wanna jump on your lap and push it right up my pussy, mmh yeah. Yeah!"_

The microphone shifted again. Hot breath crackled through Zoey's ears.

_"Do you want me, Denis? Am I making you hard? Are you getting off, listening to my baaad voice?"_

"Ahh!" Zoey's breath hitched. Though it pained her to wiggle her bullet free, she needed something deeper to really get off. She clenched her teeth as two fingers eased inside her vadge and her mouse rubbed hungrily at her clit. "Ohh…"

_"I bet you're so hard right now. I bet you are. It's okay, sensei. You don't have to hold back. Sarah wants you to cum inside her. She wants you to fill her up with your love yogurt!"_

Zoey cranked her mouse and went to town, wincing and rocking in her chair as her free hand sunk into her hungry snatch. Her breath grunted in time with the vibrations rocking her clit. "Ah - ah - ah -aanh!"

On the recording, a hard hiss. A barely-restrained gasp. Sarah's voice came faster, needier and agitated.

_"Aanh, Denis – you're making Sarah so hot! Oooh, she's gonna cum again. Haa… haa … Let's make it special, Denis. Let's - anh - let's cum together. Are you there? Sarah's gonna count you down and then she's gonna cum. Are you - mmh - ready? Five, anh … four … three … two …"_

"AAANHHH!"

Zoey screamed. Her head snapped back. Her hips bucked so hard that her chair kicked off its roller wheels and flipped onto the floor.

WHAM.

Zoey stared goggle-eyed at the ceiling, flat on her back, limbs spread, every muscle in her body utterly spent. Stars swirled across her eyes, dancing to the tempo of her rushing blood.

"Haah… haah…"

_So long…_ She'd been caming so long that touching herself had become a performance, a routine; her screams as rehearsed as the mindless shlicking she sold to her audience.

_I forgot … how good it feels…_ The rush when someone brought you to orgasm, the thrill of cumming because you wanted to. _So fuckaliciously fantabulously good! _Yeah, this was what sex was all about. This was why they called it 'making love'.

_Shit, I'm never, ever gonna delete that mp3!_

When her heartbeat settled enough that Zoey could groan to her feet and right her chair, the chat was a string of question marks and worried emoji.

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Denis?  
Denis-kun?  
Den-Den?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Sorry. I'm here. It just_

_phew_

_that took a lot out of me._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_LOL  
Sarah too!_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_So, end scene?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Yosh! End scene!_

_Unless…_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_You want to write some aftercare?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Hmm…_

_(*Denis takes Sarah's hand and leads her to his bedroom. He lays her down on her side and spoons her from behind, happy just to hold her soft, cuddly body in his arms.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_(*Sarah giggles and turns around. Spooning is fun but Sarah wants to fall asleep looking into Denis' eyes. And she wants to wrap her arms and legs around his hard, powerful body. To feel so safe and secure holding onto him, knowing he's holding onto her.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Goodnight, Denis._

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Night, Sarah._

_(*End scene!*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Yatta!_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Okay, ngl, I do need to get to sleep now._

Even her most intense cam sessions hadn't left Zoey's legs so weak, her head so foggy. _I'm fucking spent._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Okay. I'm gonna stay up a bit longer. I was gonna stream some J-Pop music. Want me to send you the playlist?_

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Sure. Catch you later._

And because she didn't trust herself not to keep checking for messages, Zoey logged out of her chat program and physically switched off her computer. The cooling fans and lights cut off, plunging the room into a quiet stillness.

Zoey moped a hand over her sweaty brow. "Well … that was something."

Standing up, she caught her reflection in the sheen of the powered-down monitor. The sight made her laugh. _Shit, it's like I got caught in the rain!_ Her dreadfalls were heavy and drenched; her clothes felt like shrink-wrap, they were so clingy and sticky with sweat.

"What a workout."

A thought struck: _I've never really done a nude show, have I?_ Sure, she'd hike up her skirt to flash her puss or wiggle down her top to pull out her tits but she always kept her clothes on, like a layer of armor. A last defense between her and the hundreds of prying eyes of the Internet.

'Denis' had gotten completely naked with Sarah. What would happen if Zoey did the same?

Gingerly, Zoey lifted her goggles up and over her ratty hair, dropping them to the floor. Her hair fell into her face a bit more, but no real change. She carried on, unclipping the choker around her neck and sending it to join her goggles.

Piece by piece, she unzipped and unclipped her clothing, letting her cybergoth ensemble fall to the floor like bits of eggshell from a hatching bird. Her corset, her tank top. Mocha skin filled the monitor down to her navel. Her arm sleeves, her PVC skirt. She peeled off her clingy panties and even freed her feet from their knee-high leather casings, stripping away every piece of fabric like she was scraping grime from of a precious gemstone. Freeing her body layer by oppressive layer until only sweat and love juices covered her skin.

_Here I am. _Zoey ran her hands through her hair and appraised the naked body before her.

It was … okay, she admitted. Her ribs were starting to show and her hips looked knobby instead of curvy. Still, if she turned to the side, the curves of her ass flared out so fine. _No tummy flab,_ she noted. Her abdomen was smooth and tight.

Moving on. Couldn't do anything to hide that waxy surgical scar along her sternum but ... maybe it made her look dangerous. A lightning bolt! And yeah, her boobs weren't much but that just meant she could cup them both in one hand, hide them for cheesecake shots while she raised a fingertip to her mouth. _Ooh, Zoey, you're getting Sarah-chan so wet!_

Zoey rolled her hips and stretched her arms above her head, entranced by the new sexiness she was finding. Yeah, yeah - she could shimmy and shake it with the best of the James Bond silhouette girls. Baby, she looked so fine!

Another thought brought her strip show to a standstill. _Lillian – is this what she was checking out?_ Had the mall brat enjoyed this 'okay-ish' body so much she'd braved getting naked and confessing?

Zoey shook her head. _I'll deal with that later._ For now, she needed her sleep.

Rifling through her underwear drawer for a fresh pair of panties, Zoey smiled fondly when she found her old green, glow in the dark Naruto underwear._ Why not? For old time's sake_. They slipped around her butt cheeks like a second skin, a lover's hands.

She bundled her hair back into a ponytail and then, obeying a final urge, Zoey snatched up her phone and typed:

**=BlakePanzer0=**  
_Hey.  
I feel so good tonight._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_lol  
You made **me** feel good, sensei._

_Sensei?_

**=BlakePanzer0=  
**_Yeah?_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Tomorrow, I'm gonna find that mean friend of mine  
and I'm gonna tell her what a jerk she is!_

**=BlakePanzer0=  
**_Good.  
You can't let people like that ruin your life.  
and honestly?  
She sounds like she needs a swift kick in the ass._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_LOL! RIGHT UP THE POOPER!  
(*Sarah kisses her Den-Den.*)  
Arigato, sensei. Sleep tight._

**=BlakePanzer0=** _  
(*Denis pecks Sarah's forehead.*)  
You too, cutie bum._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_:3 Yay! I'm a cutie! :3  
UwU_

Closing her apps and placing the phone on her nightstand, Zoey slipped into bed, sighing happily as the cool sheets enveloped her naked skin. In the back of her mind she knew that the next week was going to be an absolute bitch: packing, room hunting; not to mention re-writing Ms. Stone's lab report but for now, all that mattered was the heady sense of satisfaction coursing through her veins. She imagined Sarah cuddling her like a protective bubble, pushing all her problems aside.

If only for tonight, Zoey would sleep at ease.

As her mind drifted to slumber, a smile came to Zoey's face, one that would rest on her lips until dawn:

_I can't wait to hear how Sarah tears into that bitch who hurt her!_


	9. Unmasked! The Shocking Revelation!

Morning arrived with an alarm app's jarring vibration. Zoey stretched and yawned. _Mmh, I feel fabulous!_

Between the grueling hours she spent studying, camming and keeping abreast of social justice Twitter, proper REM sleep was a privilege she could rarely enjoy. Today, though, she sat up swiftly and neatly, energized and ready to greet the new day!

Zoey toggled her camera app to selfie mode and slid the screen up and down her bare body, confirming that she looked just as sexy as last night. When a text message buzzed through, Zoey practically pounced on her phone.

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Ohayo, Den-Den! :D  
Ready for your breakfast? XD  
(*Sarah shows off her nopan apron and her big, fat booty shake.*)_

Zoey giggled - she giggled! - rolling on her back and imagining that instead of a phone, she was cupping Sarah's petite, Asian face in her hands; that every on-screen emoji was Sarah smiling and gazing into her eyes with absolute adoration. Zoey caressed the screen, picturing her fingers combing through silky raven hair.

**=BlakePanzer0=  
**_raow!  
(*Denis gives Sarah a 'good morning' slap on the ass.*)_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Iyaa~!  
(OwO)  
Again, sensei! Onegai?_

**=BlakePanzer0=  
**_As much as I'd love to, I am literally starving here.  
Need to head out and grab some actual food._

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_lol, okie-dokies.  
I should go out for my morning walkies anyways.  
TTYL!_

Zoey pressed the phone to her chest so Sarah's goodbye text buzzed against her heart. _Haa…_

How best to greet the new day? Her citrus acid rave outfit still reeked of sweat and intimacy. Rifling through her closet, Zoey selected her tightest jeans – the faded ones with the ripped knees. She had to suck in her gut to hook the button but _damn_ did it make her ass look tight. Next, she flipped through her long and identical row of activist tees, debating whether to remind everyone to _#TakeAKnee_ or that _#OscarsSoWhite_.

None of the angry slogans really spoke to her jolly mood so she took out a fresh white shirt, uncapped a sharpie marker and came up with a brand-new hashtag on the spot: _#BitchI'mBeautiful._

Then to really drive the point home, she rolled her tee up to her bra and tied it off with a knot so her midriff was on full display. A quick pair of ankle-length boots, her satchel of Wiccan crystals and she was ready to get her swag on for the world! _Nothing's gonna hold me back or ruin this mood. Nothing!_

Or at least that was what she thought until she jaunted into the Nutmeg Café and found her regular booth saturated by a pit of inky-black gothness.

"Lillian?"

* * *

The mall brat glanced up slowly. Her eyelids were black and heavy, and not from eyeliner. Hunger and sleep deprivation had left the younger girl sluggish and slow but Lillian still found the energy for a token scoff.

"Like, I thought you were totally boycotting this place 'n shit."

"I was? Oh right, the milk." Well that explained why her Hong Kong viewers had been tagging her with tweets of crushed Starbucks' coffee cups. More to the point, what was with the stack of papers Lillian had spread over the table?

"Are you … are you filling out an employment application? You're applying for work as a barista?"

Lillian lowered her pen and cupped a hand over her eyes.

"You are! How could you? I thought we agreed service industry work was for drones! You're going to turn your back on everything you value just like that?"

"Yeah, well it's not like I've got a webcam and can shake my tits for cash!"

Zoey stiffened. All her life, she'd assumed the patriarchy squeezed her worse than anyone; that she above all others suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune but …

_Scholarship money bought my computer equipment; my student account unlocks unlimited Wi-Fi. _Lording over Lillian here and now, s_he _was the privileged one! Casting stones and cutting ties was Rashida's dirty work. Zoey Greene had to rise above such treachery. It was time to be an ally.

She retreated to the front counter, returning with two blackberry danishes and a steaming cup of coffee. "Sugar and two milks, right?"

Lillian didn't reply but immediately seized into the fresh pastries, noisily gorging herself. Zoey probed gently.

"Are you okay?"

"Me, I'm like, fine! I didn't get any sleep 'cause I totally spent the night at the Zeta House frat."

"Oh really?"

"Like, totally! I got naked for them, sucked their dicks and I totally let them butt-fuck me all night long!"

"Uh huh… Look, Lillian –"

"No, you look! Look at me!" Lillian's eyes pierced with violet anger. Her lower lip quivered. "Like, do you know how fucking humiliating it feels when someone tells you 'no'? That you're just not fucking good enough?"

Zoey bowed her head. _I do now._

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Really, I am. The way I treated you last night was absolutely problematic."

"Total jackass move!"

"But that was me! I didn't mean to bring you down, Lil. I mean, you're a remarkable woman! Nobody knows more about hexes or spirits than you and you've toughed it out on the streets for weeks without relying on a man. You are so completely valid and I'm sorry that I ever made you doubt yourself. It's just ..."

"Just?"

She felt Lillian's toes trace a well-worn path along her shin. Zoey flinched.

"I'm just not ready for that kind of relationship."

Lillian huffed and propped her head on her fist. Zoey moved quickly.

"But I want to validate the way you feel! Here, lemmie borrow your pen."

Zoey tore a page from one of her notebooks, scribbled something down and slid a carefully folded note across the table. Lillian glanced inside. Her eyebrow shot up immediately.

"Like… what is this?"

"That's a passcode to redeem a premium account on my website. You'll get exclusive access to all of my archived video streams and photo galleries; plus you'll unlock all the chat emotes. You can watch me whenever you like." Zoey coughed. "What you do on your end is your business."

"For reals?"

"For realsies," Zoey confirmed. Lillian touched a hand to her trembling heart.

"Like, nobody's ever bought me a porn subscription before. Not ever."

Remembering the pen, Zoey capped the black ink tip and pushed it across the table. Lillian, through her fog, extended a hand to pick it up. By accident or otherwise, her fingertips fell instead atop the back of Zoey's palm.

"Zoe…"

Dark purple nails drew softly across Zoey's fingers, eliciting a pleasant shudder. It was the faintest of touches but it hit Zoey just as hard as last night's chat with Sarah. It felt _right_. Swallowing carefully, Zoey extended her hand to return Lillian's touch, to allow their fingertips to curl together and hold each other.

Then the café door chimes jingled and a booming laughter made them jolt apart. "OHH-HO-HO! Sorry, Team Rocket but Mimikyu and I claim this Poké-Stop in the name of Team Instinct!"

Zoey's ears throbbed in pain. _Fuuuck no..._

Suki. Insufferable little Suki-chan taking up space, blocking the front door; gulping down valuable oxygen needed by the sane members of the human race. Her greasy, fried-chicken skin was on full display: ripped jean-shorts, a low-cut tank-top and a black vest. It must have been some sort of cosplay, because a belt of red-and-white pokéballs fastened around her sizable waist while a pink baseball cap with a pokéball logo sat snugly over her single ponytail. Some sort of hideous, home-made Pikachu ragdoll was being crushed between Suki's sweaty armpit and her oily breast.

_Dear goddess, is she supposed to be some kind of slutty pok__é__mon trainer?_

At first, Suki seemed utterly fixated with her make-believe play, waving her smart phone about like a magic wand and chattering with her plushie companion. ("Mimi-mimi-mimikyu," she would answer on the puppet's behalf.) Zoey clutched a black onyx crystal in her handbag but its protective wards were to no avail. She and Suki locked eyes.

The weeaboo's jaw tightened into the frumpiest frowny emoji mankind had ever seen.

"Oh yeah," Lillian added. "So like, Suki totally texted me last night and I'm supposed to tell you that you're the queen of the poopy-pants or whatever. Like, what happened?"

"I spoke truth to power," Zoey replied, "and it looks like she didn't get the message."

Suki started weaving her chubby hips around the café tables, bearing down on their position. Zoey stood and gave her best 'bring it' snort. _This'll be good._ Even a sudden text from her virtual lover couldn't distract the witch from her incoming rampage.

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Denis-kun, lend me your energy!  
That mean friend? Well I just found her!_

Zoey answered quickly:

**=BlakePanzer0=  
**_Give 'em hell, cutie bum.  
(*Kisses Sarah for good luck!*)_

Then she tucked away her phone and prepared for war.

"Zoey-senpai, we need to talk!"

"Damn right we do. Ugh, where do I even start?"

Suki's hands locked on her hips. Zoey crossed her arms and Lillian pulled up her camera app. This would be it, the witch realized: the final showdown. The penultimate battle between the hero of social justice and the personification of everything problematic! Two women would enter, one would leave.

"You're mean, senpai! All I wanted was to hang out with you and you yelled in my face! You said I'm hurting Japanese people and I don't get it at all! _Wakara-nai!_ Suki always buys her manga and blu-rays to support the artists and production companies!"

"Congratulations, you're a capitalist! Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"I have and I'm beautiful! A bishoujo!" Zoey scoffed but Suki continued, unabated.

"What's wrong with dressing up to show how much I love Japan? You never pick on Lillian-chan for her vampire cosplay, and you're not an alien but you still put on dreadlocks and a space suit like the Predator monster!"

Lillian stifled a snort. Jaw agape, Zoey touched her hair. Her natural, blue-dyed black hair.

"How dare you misgender me! I identify as a genderqueer, panromantic, demisexual Wiccan woman of colour experiencing disabilities!"

Suki shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry if you had a bad day, senpai but that doesn't mean you can take it out on your friends! Maybe you should stop spending so much time making other people feel bad and work on loving yourself!"

Zoey opened her mouth to retort, when –

_"IYAAI! O-onii-chan, mou dame…"_

Zoey blinked. "Did your ... did your phone just orgasm?"

Suki blew her a defiant raspberry. "That's my koibito's ring tone. My boyfriendo is texting me!"

The weeb whipped out her puke-pink phone with its rat tail of key chains and clacked a quick reply. 'Send'.

_"Fight the power! Yeah, yeah!"_

Suki laughed as Zoey reached for her own phone. "Pfft, what kind of baka gaijin music was that?"

"That," Zoey announced, "was my Japanese friend calling. The awesome and authentic artist friend I told you about? Well she and I are partners. In _every_ sense. You can wait."

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Aww~! Arigato for the kisses, Den-Den!  
*~chuu~*_

**=BlakePanzer0=  
**_Lol, gotta go now.  
Busy dealing with a 'friend' of my own who needs a good calling out. Later!_

No sooner did she hit send, then -

_"IYAAI! Onii-chan_!"

"Chotto matte," Suki announced, another irritating time out. Fat, weeby fingers danced across the screen and punched 'send'.

_"Fight the power! Yeah, yeah!"_

**=Cera_Bella=  
**_Ganbatte, Denis-kun! You can do it!_

So naturally Zoey had to type her own reply.

Then Suki had to answer her own phone.

Then Zoey. Then Suki. Then Zoey, then Suki.

Lillian glanced back and forth in dumbfounded disgust. A moment ago she'd been squeezing her thighs together and rocking in her seat, totally set to record the two girls bitch-slapping, hair-yanking and nail-scratching each other in the mother of all cat fights! Hell, if she played her cards right they might even rip each other's shirts open and she'd score some free titty action!

Instead, both girls were hunched over their phones like absolute nerds, mesmerized by their screens! Christ on a crapper, was this why her mother had such a stick up her ass about screen time?

"Like, omigod, will you girls get off your damn phones for a second?"

"Shut up! I'm texting Sarah."

"Yeah, and I'm messaging my Blake-sensei!"

Both girls froze.

_Wh-what did she -?_

Suki slowly looked to her phone. Then to Zoey. Then back to her phone. She typed a random message and hit 'send'.

_"Fight the power! Yeah, yeah!"_

Zoey's eyes widened.

Suki sent off a second message, then a third.

_"Fight the power!"_

_"Fight the power!"_

Tremors racked Zoey's hands. She didn't mean to hit 'send' but her thumb literally slipped and -

_"IYAAI! Onii-chan_!"

Lillian blinked ever so slowly. "Whaa…?"

Suki's eyebrows furrowed. Her violet orbs ping-ponged phone, Zoey, phone, Zoey, a toddler struggling to process 2 + 2. Zoey's eyes latched onto the café door, willing her knocking knees to run. _Five steps to the door, five steps to the door…_ She could sense the weeaboo's brain fumbling with the mental puzzle blocks, testing the square peg labelled 'Zoey' into every circular hole, narrowing her options to the inescapable conclusion that was -

"Denis?"

Sweat trickled from Zoey's forehead. _Five steps to the door! Five steps to the door!_

Suki took a step closer. "Denis-kun?"

Zoey's mouth moved but no sound came out. Or maybe she just couldn't hear her incoherent, doggy whimpers over the ringing in her ear. _Fivestepstothedoor! Fivestepstothedoor!_

Suki stepped forward again. "Are ... are you my sensei?"

Zoey could only squeak so Suki switched tactics. "For the sake of an equal future, I will -"

"-an _equitable future_!" Zoey barked. The snap came automatically. "For the sake of an _equitable_ future, I will -"

She froze mid-sentence, a rabbit sensing the click of a snare.

_Oh no…_

"SENSEI!"

Suki's flying tackle glomped Zoey off her feet and sent her crashing flat into the booth. When the witch's vision ceased spinning, her morning daydream had morphed into a nightmare. Instead of a sweet Asian dove straddling her lap and gazing into her eyes, Zoey's pelvis was being compacted by the fat ass of a greased-up Thanksgiving turkey. Suki's baseball cap had flown off; her oily face nuzzled into Zoey's non-existent bosom.

"GAO! Ex-Three pounces on you! Oo-woo, sensei is sooo warm! Suki nuzzles and wuzzles your chestie!" _X3. OwO. _The girl was so ecstatic she was babbling in chat emoji!

"But you're - you're Suki!"

"Sensei no baka!" Suki giggled. "Suki's just my name in Japanese. Watashi wa Stevens-san desu! _Sarah_ Stevens!"

Zoey jaw unhinged as her soul attempted to flee her body.

"And you're Blake-sensei! My Denis-kun!" A finger touched her lip in thought. "Oro? No, sensei can't be a 'Denis' so ..."

_Don't say it, don't say it..._

"You must be Denise-chan!"

Lillian's laughter burst like a fart.

"Pfft! _Denise-chan_? Omigod, shut the front door - your name is _Denise_?"

"Stop laughing and get her off me!" Suki's nose-nuzzles were heading towards her tummy and Zoey was ticklish as hell!

Lillian slapped her knee in delight. "Sure, whatever you say, _Denise!_"

* * *

Suki's greasy skin made her impossible to grip. When no amount of yanking or pulling would detach the parasitic weeb, Lillian offered to buy them breakfast.

"Breakfasto!" Clapping her hands, Suki hopped off of Zoey faster than you could pop a pimple. Zoey would foot the homeless girl's bill, of course.

Three yogurt parfaits now sat on the table ("Mimikyu's hungry too," Suki explained). The two white girls barricaded the edge seats, chattering and swapping stories. Zoey, huddled in an upright fetal position, pressed herself into the corner, dead to the world.

She couldn't move.

Not because she was traumatized or triggered (she was!) but because during Suki's tackle, Zoey had heard the horrifying _strrretch_ of denim tearing along her backside. If she wanted to maintain whatever dignity she had left, _she could not move!_

"Like, no waaaay," Lillian laughed. "You two have been Internet besties that long? And you drew comics together?"

"Not comics – manga," Suki corrected. "I made all the illustrations but sensei came up with all the story ideas!"

"See, Zoe? I totally called it – you two are so chill together!"

Zoey wanted to scream, but for dignity's sake she bundled up her fists and squealed though clenched lips.

"You – you tricked me!" Yes, that was it! "Lil, this girl she's … she's a sleeper agent from GamerGate! That has to be it! A mole who pretended to befriend me so she could lure me into making all sorts of problematic statements! This is entrapment!"

"Sensei," Suki giggled, "you're the one who messaged Suki about illustrating. You choo-choo-choosed me!"

Damnable logic, the patriarchy's greatest weapon of oppression!

"I'm not like her," Zoey sputtered, though whether she was explaining to Lillian or to herself, she couldn't say. "I show respect for other cultures, I support marginalized voices! I'm authentic!"

Lillian had already lost interest. "Uh huh. Sure, boss. Hey, Suki, did you guys seriously draw gay dudes going at each other?"

Zoey squeaked. "It - it was educational content!"

"Oh, totally. 'How to Bone Better' by Denise Greene. Hey, can I get a look, Suki?"

"Hai, let me show you!"

"NOOO!"

Zoey lunged across the table, prepared to grab, crush and destroy Suki's cell phone but the weeaboo pulled away at the last second. Zoey belly-flopped on the table to the mortifying _rrrrrip_ of splitting jeans and the _whoosh_ of a cool breeze on her backside. Suki gasped happily.

"Naruto pantsu!" The weeb's squeals rang for all the café to hear. "Mina-san, Zoey-senpai is wearing Naruto pantsu! Sensei, I knew you loved anime! I knew it!"

Zoey's ears screeched with the collective shock of the entire café. Elderly breakfast groups murmured their disapproval. Student brunchers sniggered at the display. She felt Lillian cup her ass while the goth posed for a selfie with the spiky haired ninja stretched over her buttocks. And to top it all off -

"Zoey, Zoey, Zoey," came the deeply disappointed sigh. Looking up, Zoey realized that Rashida and her posse had been brunching across the room this entire time! The bald girl propped her chin on her hands and shook head sadly. "Where do we even start?"

"Muy problemática," Ramira agreed. "Anime is deeply sexist and misogynist. I wrote all about it on Twitter."

Leshawna snorted. "Bitch, do the world a favor and cancel yourself."

Humiliated beyond the point of tears, Zoey crawled back into her corner like it was a deep cave to hide in. "My life is over."

"Umm, drama much?" Lillian scoffed. "So you're a Narutard who digs dick-on-dick action. Like, chill, girl."

"Kuroko-chan is right! You should be proud of the things you love, senpai!" Suki shouted across the room to the Womyn's Center trio.

"Hey, you three! Stop making fun of my sensei! Zoey-senpai is an awesome friend who taught me to believe in myself and to never give up! Zoey is super sweet and super caring and last night –"

Red and blue eyes popped. "No, no, no…"

"Last night, senpai made love to me!"

Zoey slapped her forehead. Rashida gagged on her avocado toast. Lillian's phone hit the floor.

"Zoey? What the -? Oh, so you'll fuck the weeb but not me?"

"Hai! Zoey did ecchi things to my body all night long!" With a lovelorn sigh, Suki cuddled up to Zoey's arm. "Oh senpai, your cock felt so good inside Suki's pussy!"

Ramira spewed her decaffeinated skinny latte over Leshawna's checkered shirt. Lillian's jaw followed her phone.

"Wait, Zoey's got a whaaaat?"

"No, Lillian I don't –"

"Is THIS why you never let me watch your streams? So I wouldn't see you whipping out your black mamba?"

"It's a foot-long!" Suki proclaimed.

"Aw, hell no!" Leshawna stood so quickly, her knees flipped their table, catapulting organic, kimchi breakfast tacos onto Ramira's lap and slamming the table's edge onto Rashida's open-toe sandals.

"I knew she identified as a male!" Ramira bellowed over the pain. "This is going all over social media, Zoey Greene!"

As her ex-friends whipped out their phones and started speed-tweeting, Zoey sputtered and stammered. "I didn't – we didn't – Lillian, it was an erotic role play!"

"What? You role-played with her? Fuck, if I knew you were into that shit I would have brought my dice and character sheets for after blow-jobs!"

"Lillian, I'm telling you, I don't have a pen–"

"It's okay, senpai." Suki patted her hand. "You don't have to be ashamed of your humongous black wee-wee. See, I learned about it in health class: some girls are born with penises and that's okay! You're not weird and you don't need to be embarrassed. You just have a lady-dick!"

"A lady-dick," Lillian crooned. "Ooh la dee dah, I bet she like, gets it totally fancy with makeup and lipstick. Such a faaabulous little lady-dick, Denise!"

"Mmh! And senpai's sooo good at using it!"

Zoey pinched the bridge of her nose. "For the last time, I do not have –"

"Futanari!"

Lillian tilted her head. "Say whaa?"

"Futanari!" Suki squealed, sliding to Lillian's side of the booth. "That's Japanese! It means 'penis girl'! Zoey-senpai is a futanari! Haaa, Suki's always wanted to meet a real life futa-girl!" Then she started chanting:

"Futanari, futanari! Zoey is a futanari!"

"Suki, don't misgender -"

"Futanari, futanari! Zoey is a futanari!" Lillian joined in, clapping to the beat.

"Lillian, I mean it!"

"_Futanari, futanari! Zoey is a futanari!_" Both of the fool girls were clapping and chanting at the top of their lungs. Goddess dammit, everyone was staring!

"You two…"

Lillian cackled. "Oh shiit, bitch be mad! Whatcha gonna do, Denise? Like, slap us around with your lady-dick?"

"Ooh, ooh! Maybe senpai's going to wo-manhandle us!"

"No, no! Suki, she's gonna give us –"

"– THE MONEY SHOT!"

They shouted it together, the little pack of hellions, and when they finally stopped howling and laughing, both girls opened their mouths - "AAAH" - and stuck out their tongues to receive Zoey's gender-confused 'load'.

"Do it, senpai! Cover us in your love yogurt!"

The entire café was watching, aghast. The hipsters had dropped their artisanal macaroni and cheese, the retirees fumbled with their bifocals. Even the progressive, mixed-race, Latina-East Indian lesbian couple with the one-year old toddler stared at Zoey in absolute horror, judging!

_This is - this is problematic._ That was all Zoey could think! It was so god-damn problematic!

So why was she laughing her ass off?

"All right, you brats, you asked for it!"

Suki's breakfast parfait lay untouched on the table. Zoey snatched up the serving dish, stuck her fingers in and started flicking the cream at her friends' faces.

"Itai, that went in my eye, senpai!"

"Right here, Zoey! Betcha can't get a load on my tits!"

Then the hellions were jumping to seize their own yogurt dishes, to return fire at the witch. They laughed, they cackled; they started chasing each other in absolute delight. The café was their school cafeteria and it was time for a good, old-fashioned food fight!

"Eat my love yogurt, Rashida!" Zoey cried as she smeared a gooey handful over the Arab student's face, sending her screaming in terror.

"Magic missile on the Poindexter!" Lillian didn't know who Ramira was but any excuse to trash a bowtie-wearing hipster was a good one. "Critical hit, bitches!"

"Bukkake no jutsu," Suki declared as she creamed a wailing Leshawna.

Amidst the chaos, the blue-haired barista returned from her break in the back room.

"Oh my god... Brody? Manager?"

* * *

Nine blocks and six overworked lungs later, the trio felt confident they'd outrun the police sirens. Between Zoey's heart condition, Lillian's smoker lungs and Suki's girth, no one could say which girl was panting harder.

"Did we do bad?" Suki gulped, a newbie when it came to causing public disturbances.

"Eff, no," Lillian laughed. "That was radical!"

"The best!" Zoey wheezed, one hand on her knee, the other holding up the waistband of her split jeans. Oh, the look on Rashida's smug face! "I haven't felt this good since –"

But seeing Suki turn her way, Zoey held her tongue. A knowing smile spread over the tanned girl's face and she skipped up close face to finish the thought. "Since last night, senpai?"

Zoey glanced aside. She wanted so very much to hide her face in her hands, but releasing even one finger from her jeans would send her tattered leggings tumbling to her ankles. _Why me?_

"Oro? Senpai, your pants!" Without a second thought, Suki unclipped her belt of pokéballs and threaded it through Zoey's pant loops. Then, to hide the split rear, Suki wrapped her black vest around Zoey's hips as a make-shift skirt. "There you go, all better!"

"Um… thank you."

"I had a motto-motto good time this weekend, but seeing my senpai smile just now was the best!" Then Suki pressed her Pikachu ragdoll into Zoey's hands. "I bet you'd smile a whole bunch more if you weren't like Mimikyu!"

On closer inspection, the doll was in fact an odd lump draped in a ghastly Pikachu Halloween costume. "You two are a similarlie!" Suki declared.

Zoey tilted her head. "A what?"

"A similarlie. I learned about them in English class! It's like a metamaphor but with 'like' or 'as'."

Lillian sniggered. "Heh heh. _Ass_."

"You see, Mimikyu wants more than anything to be loved but it's worried that if people see its real self, they'll get scared and chase it away. That's why it dresses up and pretends it's Pikachu!"

Zoey processed that. "So instead of being something it's not, Mimikyu should just … be itself?"

"NO! No, no, senpai! Mimikyu actually _is_ super ugly and gross! If you saw it, you'd die on the spot!"

"But … you're saying I'm Mimikyu."

"Hai!"

Zoey stared. Suki's smile fell.

"Eto… it sounded better in my head."

"Like, maybe," Lillian suggested, "maybe she's saying Mimikyu should tell the world to screw off and like, hang out with the other freaks?"

"Ooh, that's smart, Kuroko-chan! You're good at similarlies!"

"Yeah! 'Like' or 'ass', bitches!"

Zoey, meanwhile, remained transfixed by the ugly plush doll in her hands. _My true kind ... my true friends ... _The ones who didn't shame her for her secret passions, the ones who supported and admired her, even at her most problematic. The ones who filled her with enough passion to shout _#BitchI'mBeautiful _at the world.

_My ears,_ she realized. "They stopped ringing."

"Oro? Did you say something, Zoey-senpai?"

Zoey shook her head. "No, nothing at all." She hugged the plush doll to her face, praying that, when she returned it to Sarah, the weeb wouldn't notice two damp stains under Mimikyu's eyes.

Straightening up, Zoey turned to face her partners in crime.

"Ladies, that was some impressive mischief, helping me to call out those WARFs at the café. Err, that's Wiccan Antagonizing Radical Feminists," she clarified. "In fact, that disruptive, outsider attitude is exactly what I'm looking for in new recruits to my coven."

"You mean it?" Suki gaped, "I get to be part of your magic club?"

"Well, I do need a graphic designer for our advertisements and publications and who better for that work than Miss Cera_Bella?"

"Yatta! Kuroko-chan, are you joining too?"

The goth girl crossed her arms, scoffing. "Like, when did I ever say I quit? You two are totally gonna need my help when it comes to ghosts 'n shit. Besides, coven sisters stick together, right boss bitch?"

Only Zoey noticed the uncertain shimmer in Lillian's eye. She nodded her approval, a silent 'thank you'. "Then it's agreed!"

Zoey extended her arm into their circle. Lillian placed her palm over top and Suki dog-piled on too.

"From this day forth, we are sisters in witchcraft! Together, we'll uncover the ancient secrets of magic and overturn the unjust, oppressive patriarchy that dares to keep us down!"

"Yeah, fuck the police!"

"Mahou shojous forever!"

Their hands broke and they fist bumped, flashed devil signs and squealed in harmony. A strong and empowering feminine vigor bound the trio. They were ready and energized to take on the world!

So of course, Lillian had to open her trap and wreck the moment. "Right, so first meeting's at your place, right Zoe?"

Zoey blanked. _My place._

"Goddess dammit, the eviction notice!"


	10. Assembled at Last! The Dark Coven!

"Like, shut the front door, you're being evicted?"

"Yes," Zoey exhaled, plopping her butt on the sidewalk. Her recruits sat down on either side. "I have until Friday to find a new place or I'm out on the street."

"That totally sucks! Like, how am I supposed to crash at your place if you totally don't got a place?"

Both newly homeless girls turned to Sarah. The weeaboo bowed profusely.

"Gomen nasai, there's really not enough room at my apartment for three people. Not to mention I cancelled my lease this week."

"You what?"

"Because of the g-g-ghost! Remember the haunted apartment next door? All those scary noises were keeping me up at night! I told my super I wouldn't be renewing at the month's end."

The trio went silent. Suki gave a lonesome sigh. "There's a sugoi-awesome penthouse loft in my building but -"

"A loft?" Zoey's hair tingled. A loft, a Bohemian paradise! "Why didn't you mention this before?"

"Well, it's mega-expensive, Zoey-senpai. Sure, it's roomy but there's no way the three of us could afford the rent! We'd need to win the lottery!"

"Or like, rescue some rich lady's missing cat!" Lillian added.

"It's too bad none of us are rich," Suki sighed. Then, a giggle. "Neh, isn't it funny how Zoey-senpai and me both have secret identities with different names? Zoey's actually a super-famous writer online and I'm a bishoujo manga-ka!"

A finger pointed squarely at their goth member. "Wouldn't it be funny if Lillian-chan had a secret identity too? Maybe she's really an ojou-sama, a rich girl!"

Lillian forced out a laugh. "Yeah … rich, heh. Wouldn't that be something? Heh heh… right, Zoe?"

"Hmm…"

While Lillian stewed and Suki puzzled, Zoey rifled through her purse for the crumpled poster foisted upon her by a 'concerned cousin'. She offered it to Suki and they both studied the surly, pigtailed blonde forced into a frilly, pink pageantry dress.

"I never did read the fine print," Zoey explained, "but apparently a very concerned mother is offering _a substantial reward for any information leading to the safe return of her daughter."_

Red, blue and violet eyes shifted Lillian's way. "Know where we might find any leads, _Lilly Winters_?"

The goth girl groaned. "Like, fuuuck my life..."

* * *

"Rich girl", Lillian would go on to argue, was like a totally unfair exaggeration. Her mother, a nurse, worked night shifts at the hospital, while her father ran a struggling local recording studio. Her folks had nowhere near the obscene wealth and influence of the Kane family and unlike the extravagant Belroses, they made do in an unassuming middle class, white bread neighbourhood. Nevertheless, a combination of wise investments and careful spending (not to mention, Zoey noted, a shit-ton of white privilege) had left the family damn well off, at least compared to the shack of an apartment she'd grown up in.

So damn well off, mummy dearest had no qualms about cutting a five-figure cheque to the two girls in "Halloween dress-up" who showed up on her doorstep with her prodigal daughter.

"LILLY PIE!" Zoey still sniggered every time she recalled Lillian's sobbing mother dive-bombing her daughter and strangulating the goth in a bear hug. "We were so worried about you, my little black forest angel cake cutie!"

"Maaa, not in front of my besties!"

The story they spun over tea ("More cookies, please!" Suki kept chirping,) didn't veer terribly far from the truth: hungry and destitute, Lillian had crossed paths with honours student Zoey, who welcomed the runaway into her humble dorm. Realizing there was more to the girl's tale than simply being "kicked out", Zoey listened patiently and counselled her new friend to bury the hatchet with her obviously-loving family.

"And here we are!" the cybergoth summarized.

"I helped too," Suki added between mouthfuls of strawberry tart.

Lillian's mother nodded along, wiping her tears of joy. She'd finally released her daughter from her overly possessive hug but now she had Lillian practically seated in her lap while she put a hair brush to the goth girl's knotted pigtails. "Maa," Lillian whined. An angry glare at Zoey gave the witch her marching orders: _hurry the fuck up before she puts me back in that lame-ass pink dress!_

Zoey put down her tea cup, sighing wistfully. "You know, Mrs. Winters, after all we've been through, Lillian really feels like a sister to me. I just wouldn't feel right not seeing her all the time."

There was a half-assed pause while Suki swallowed her latest mouthful. "Ooh, Zoey-senpai, what if Lillian-chan came to live with us? That way Mama-san would know her Lilly Pie is with good people!"

"I'd like, totally visit on weekends to do laundry, ma. Pleeease, pretty please can I go live with these two weird chicks?"

"Well..."

* * *

Of course the answer was 'yes'. There were caveats - Lilly Pie had to call home _and _her grandmother once a week; plus, her cousin Mike would make periodic visits to check and report. In fact, young master Michael's first order of business would be to oversee his cousin's move! Suki was quick to note the advantages.

"So muscly..."

Eyes gleaming and mouth drooling, Suki ogled the peroxide-blonde hottie struggling to carry in Lillian's furniture. "Zoey-senpai, he's like a BL protagonist, only 3D!"

The musician paused. "Umm..."

"We really didn't need your help," Zoey interrupted, "but I suppose it did go faster with you."

"That's the spirit," chimed Miss Stone, their other self-imposed volunteer. The bodybuilding substitute laughed cheerfully as she breezed by with four huge boxes. "The sooner we get you girls moved in, the sooner you can write that make-up paper for me. Right, Zoey?"

The witch rolled her eyes. "Yes, Miss Stone."

"Hey, I'm the one who should be thanking you two," Mike countered. "It's been ages since I've seen my little cousin so chill. Lil's always wanted to do her own thing but aunt Marie ... let's just say she had it all planned out how her daughter would grow up."

Suki nodded. "Mama-san showed us the family photo album."

"So much pink..." Zoey shuddered.

A screech came from across the room. "Omigod, Mikey! You better not be showing them any more of those old beauty pageant videos!"

"But Kuroko-chan, I think it's super-sugoi how you can tap dance in those huge skirts _and_ sing Dolly Parton at the same time."

"Gee, thanks, MOM!"

"Hey, kiddo," Miss Stone interrupted, "where do you want these boxes of action figures?"

"Fucking hell, they're not toys, they're table top miniatures! Fuck my life, who said you could move those?"

Mike gave a good-natured chuckle as his gothic cousin stomped off to berate the musclebound mover.

"Like I was saying, Lil's always wanted to do her own thing. Christ, the fight they had after her mom found that copy of Lovecraft under her bed... Anyway, I think you two are just what this family needs. It'll be good for aunt Marie to see there's other ... _quirky_ girls like Lil who turned out smart and successful." He paused to wipe his brow. "By the way, what did you say you do for work?"

"Suki serves boba tea for minimum wage!"

"And I masturbate for strangers on my webcam."

Mike swallowed carefully. "I see..."

"Mikey-san," Suki asked with her most inviting eyes, "do you like... yaoi?"

Mr. Winters wasted no time buttoning up his dress shirt. "Excuse me, ladies, but I really should help carry more stuff."

Seeing that it was just her and Suki, Zoey took that as her cue to move as well.

* * *

The penthouse loft really was everything she'd dreamed: a long main room with a high ceiling and kitchen area, a bedroom for each of them, plus an extra for storage. The sliding door to her room - _her studio_ \- revealed just boxes and a mattress on the floor but she had big plans._ A pentagram on the floor for morning mana charging; I'll grow herbs for potions on the window ledge with plenty of space leftover to charge my crystals in the moonlight!_

On the business side of things, she'd have more space than ever for her computer rig! She could get up and dance during her stream; maybe even install that stripper pole her viewers had been pestering her about. The fantasies piled higher and higher until Suki squawked at her door.

"Zoey-senpai, have you seen my copy of _Young Boys' Carnival of Sin? _I thought I packed it with my other BL manga but I can't find it anywhere!"

"Oh... um, wasn't Miss Stone carrying in your books?"

"Hai, but she said you insisted on helping out."

"I see..."

Zoey glanced about and gave a 'eureka' gasp.

"Wait, I do remember Miss Stone coming in! Look, here's your book!"

Suki tilted her head. "Under your pillow?"

"Yes!"

"Next to your vibrator?"

"Yes!"

"On top of these notes for a John Link x Carnival crossover fic?"

"... Yes?"

Suki blinked several times. Then she beamed happily, collecting her book and hugging it to her bosom.

"It's one of my favorites," she explained.

"Yeah it ... looks real good..."

Their transaction was complete but Suki continued staring and smiling, tiptoeing not so subtly closer into the witch's personal space. Zoey knew she had to address the elephant in the room.

"Um, Suki... about that night."

"You mean the night we made love and you made me feel like the most important girl in the world?"

Zoey bit her lip. "Yeah, that one. Suki, you should know that I'm demisexual and I really want to use my sex life to support marginalized, single people of colour. So I think you and I should... what I'm saying is ... maybe it's best if we just stay friends."

"It's okay to be nervous, senpai! _Eto_... it's kinda weird for me too. Being with another girl, I mean."

Zoey exhaled, never imagining she'd be relieved to hear a confession of heterosexuality.

"But -"

Zoey choked. "But?"

"But ... if it's okay with you, maybe sometimes - if we're all alone - we could try ... holding hands?"

Zoey swallowed down a mouthful of butterflies. "Hands. Holding hands. That'd be ... spice. I mean, nice."

Suki gave a happy squeal, then held up her book. "Did you want to read this together, senpai? It's really good, I promise!"

"Sure... for research material."

Suki plopped down on the mattress and patted the space next to her, calling the witch to join. Zoey was certain she left considerable space between them but Suki slid close until they sat hip to hip. Zoey gulped.

"Mike and Miss Stone have already left, right?"

"Hai! Ooh, let's read it aloud together, senpai! We can each pick a character!"

"Aloud?" That gulp was enough to summon Lillian to the door.

"Shut up, are you guys reading smut? Fuck, I want in on this!"

One gothic dive-bomb onto the mattress later, Zoey found herself sandwiched between her roommates, each one grabbing a cover and gabbing excitedly.

"Holy fuck, who's the glasses guy with the ripped up shirt? Shit, I'd kill to lick those abs clean!"

"I know, Hotaru-sama makes Suki go _doki-doki_ downstairs! But I wouldn't clean him with my tongue..."

"Hooly! Bitch, you are nasty! C'mon, Zoe - hurry up and turn the page!"

"Hai, senpai! More boys, more buns!"

Quiet as a mouse, Zoey flipped forward. Lillian and Suki howled and cat-called all the way through, and every time they squealed at the feast of man-flesh, they'd cuddle up a little closer. Lillian's palm found its way atop Zoey's thigh, while Suki twirled a finger through blue dreadfalls. By the time they finished the 200 page anthology, Zoey was a wet and nervous wreck.

"Haa, subarashi! I liked the part where Ken-sama smacks the new boy's bum!"

"No way, the butt-sex in the back closet was totally the best."

Zoey cleared her throat. "I thought the scene where Hotaru is initiated into Kentaro's pack really spoke truth to how males rely on overt, physical dominance to establish hierarchy."

"You mean the part where he gives the chest hickies?"

"And then goes down for a beejay?"

"Fuck, yes," Zoey hissed, scratching her thighs. "Oh god, that was so hot!"

"Eww, senpai is having lewd thoughts!"

"Gotta smack 'em right out of her! Grab the pillows, Suki! Whack that nasty bitch!"

Then they were all howling and laughing, snatching pillows and whomping each other until feathers flew and all three were panting with exhaustion atop Zoey's mattress.

She sensed Suki's fingers brush across her left hand; to the right, Lillian's fingertips caressed her thumb. Zoey grabbed them both and squeezed tight.

_There's still so much I need to learn about spellcasting,_ she reflected, _but this here feels like magic to me._

Lillian rolled over and Zoey found the goth girl studying her face with a wicked intent.

"So... Suki mentioned you two are into role play." Lillian leaned back on the mattress with an inviting smile.

"Whaddya say? The three of us. Wanna do it?"

Zoey felt Lillian's boot rubbing along her shin again. Suki squealed excitedly and clung to her arm.

"Can we, senpai?"

"Your call, boss bitch."

Zoey breathed deeply to steel her nerves.

"Oh goddess..."

* * *

Once more, Zoey as BlakePanzer0 shuddered as she found herself in a darkened room with Cera_Bella. This time, they were not alone.

"And from the dark, mildew-stained depths of the dungeon, you see ... a band of goblins! Roll for initiative!

"Lillandra the Dark Elf Necromancer casts blight with plus-five to ranged attackers!"

"Cera the bard casts faerie fire to buff accuracy!"

"Blake the warlock, they/them, sits down and begins assembling a crystal grid, positioning onyx, jade, obsidian, and hematite into a pentacle in order to banish all negativity from the dungeon room!"

Dungeon Master Aurawell drew a palm down her weary face. "Dude, just use Magic Missile already!"

"Well excuse me for trying to inject a bit of real world accuracy into this game's spellcasting system! And 'Magic Missile'? Ugh, could you be more phallic? And these character sheets are so problematic! All this focus on 'attack' and 'dexterity' but where do I indicate my gender or my sexuality?"

Suki reached over the table to squeeze her hand. "Don't worry, senpai. We know exactly who you are. Now c'mon! Let's smite these goblin bakas!"

"Like, if you peeps don't make it to the top of the tower soon, Prince Mikey is totally gonna get ravaged by the Incubus King."

_A win-win scenario_. "All right then, all together now!"

Deep inside, Zoey allowed herself to smile._ They know who I am_. Agent-Z, the feminist camgirl; Blake Panzer, the online BL author and Zoey Greene, the cybergoth witch of Glenberry.

They were Lillian Aurawell and Suki Stevens, and she identified as their friend.

"Onward, my coven! For magic, for the revolution!"

"Suck it, bitches!"

"For my senpai!"

That patriarchal Incubus King wouldn't know what hit him!

_Fin._


	11. Epilogue: Dawn of a New Quest!

"All right, I call this first council of the Dark Coven to order! Let our Witches' Sabbath begin!"

The responding, rowdy cry of "Wicca Rules!" echoed from the gazebo, puzzling the many picnicking families enjoying the sunny afternoon in Dawnwood Park.

Zoey planted two beeswax candles on the gazebo's railing, lit a stick of incense and queued up the "Celtic Chanting" playlist on her phone. Traditional gatherings of witches took place deep in the forest under the full moon but outdoor hiking was a bitch in knee-high boots and the cops were totally cracking down on after-hours loitering in the park. Modern, independent witches had to be flexible with their rituals.

The cybergoth surveyed her acolytes. Suki kneeled on the floor, scrawling away in her sketchpad. Lillian, sharpie marker in hand, was etching a pentagram onto the gazebo's floor. _Perfect._ To complete the ambiance, Zoey opened the lid of a cooler full of dry ice. Thick, white mist seeped over the wooden floorboards, providing a stage most eerie for her speech.

"My sisters, over the last year our city has seen a spike in supernatural activity. Let's go over what we know. Lillian?"

"Kay, so first of all, there's like these fairies with wings. Love fairies. They're invisible and they can go through walls and if you see one, they'll totally help you get laid! I seriously had one hooking me up with dudes until she totally got kidnapped by this lizard demon!"

Suki raised her head. "Ehh? So they're like fairy godmothers, except ecchi?"

"Hells yeah. Kyu was a total slut!"

"And they help people fall in lovu-lovu? How many are there?"

"Clearly they're a functioning species, but we know of two in particular," Zoey explained. "The one who contracted with Lillian was called Kyu but I found some tweets - most likely by other 'clients' - mentioning a second fairy named Jessie."

"Hai, and I drew their pictures just like you asked, senpai!" Suki produced coloured headshots of two pink-haired girls. The first sported mischievous, apple-green eyes and hair bundled into short, springy pigtails. The second hid behind a domino mask and kept her hair in two whip-long tails. Zoey nodded her approval.

"Besides the existence of fae, there's the matter of this 'lizard demon' that attacked Lillian's fairy. This occurred around the fireworks festival last year."

"And like, that's the same time my peeps at the mall totally saw this blue-skinned goat woman running around Dawnwood Park, chasing this creepy-ass dog!"

"Ooh, that was when that satellite crashed on the beach and the police closed the whole bay, right? Maybe Goat-san and the lizard kaiju are actually aliens from outer space!"

"Suki, don't bring your ridiculous conspiracy theories into this. Honestly, who still believes in aliens? Clearly these are a kobold and a female satyr."

"Gomen …"

"Lillian, any luck tracking down that Lady_Sapphire blogger who wrote about the love fairies?"

"That's a big-ass 'nope', boss bitch. Not even any archived pages showing up."

Zoey exhaled. So the blog had been removed entirely. Off to the side, Suki stroked her chin in deep thought.

"Hmm... sapphire. Ano, if we want to find the author, we should look for girls who really like the colour blue!"

"Suki, please don't assume the blogger's gender."

"Okie dokie!" Undeterred, the weeaboo sketched quick, generic portrait of a girl with blue hair and blue eyes. Zoey massaged her temple.

"Moving forward. Besides fae, a kobold and a blue satyr, there are also invisible poltergeists haunting this city. This spring, I was attacked by these spirits during one of my cam streams."

"You totally went viral!" Lillian chimed.

"While I was hospitalized, I discovered similar reports on Facebook – people being shoved, furniture toppling. The majority of the posts were from residents of the Dawnwood South apartment complex."

Curiously enough, that was also where Miss Yumi resided. In fact, her physics teacher's mysterious leave of absence coincided closely with Zoey's paranormal assault. The cybergoth was about to raise this crucial point when Suki exclaimed,

"Ooh, spring was when my friend from the tea shop saw the mahou shoujo!"

Another withering glare. "Can we be serious, please?"

"This is super serious, Zoey-senpai! Glenberry has it's own real-live magical girl! She has hair made out of fire and a dress like black armor. Suki's friend saw her stomping around town and fighting invisible monsters! She'd look at the air, then _Sha-boom!_ Little fireballs would explode all around her! Here, Suki-chan drew a picture of her."

"Suki..."

"Magical girls are totally valid, senpai!"

"Fine, all right. We'll add her to the list." It was hard saying 'no' to those pouting eyes. Plus, pyromancy was an intriguing ability.

"Now, there are clearly some dead ends to eliminate. For all we know, Lillian's fairy, Kyu is still being treated by fairy healers for her injuries. We also don't want to risk violent encounters with this kobold or my poltergeists. If we want to learn the ways of magic, the way forward is clear."

Zoey snatched up Suki's three portraits and held them for display.

"Jessie the love fairy, Lady_Sapphire the paranormal blogger and this fire-wielding magical girl. These are our targets, sisters. We need to track them down and get them to tell us everything!"

"Yeah!"

"Yatta!"

"Umm, excuse me? We kind of rented this gazebo for a picnic."

All eyes snapped to the trio of interlopers. Zoey balled her fists as soon as she recognized the twin-tailed blonde who'd interrupted.

"Evicting people of colour from public spaces. Just the colonial bullshit I'd expect from a white girl like you, Tiffany Maye!"

"C-colonial?" The blonde touched a hand to her red cheerleading jersey. "I think there's been a misunderstanding. We have a reservation paper -"

"Like we give a fuck about the man and his 'paper'," Lillian spat. "Move your Barbie doll bitch-ass somewhere else!"

Off to the side, a puzzled Suki glanced between the twin-tailed blonde and her fairy drawings. _Oro?_

"Bitch, the fuck did you say to her?" The second girl, a brunette with blonde bangs stomped toe to toe with Lillian, eyes crackling hellfire. Zoey scoffed once more.

"Audrey Belrose. I see Maye brought her attack dog."

"Don't you fucking talk smack to her, shit-for-brains!"

"Like, bring it on, brownie-locks!"

"Oh you are fucking asking to get burned, bitch!"

"Audrey!"

Suki leafed through her drawings to the magical girl sketch. _Ororo?_

"And you," Zoey shot a finger at the final newcomer, a bluenette doing her best to remain invisible. "You're that worker drone from the café who tried to poison me with milk!"

"Me? Jeez, you're the one who trashed my workplace and stuff!"

Suki trembled as she held up her blue-haired Lady_Sapphire sketch. _Orororo?_ The weeaboo scooted over to tug at her roommate's skirt. "Um, Zoey-senpai…?"

"Not now," the witch hissed. "You three – I'm giving you one minute to leave before I call you out on social media!"

"Yeah?" the brunette countered, "well I'm giving you shit-bitches one minute before I kick your asses back into the dumpster your crawled outta!"

Suki shook the cybergoth's shoulder. "Zoey-senpai -!"

"Suki, I'll look at your manga sketches later, all right?"

The blunette rolled her eyes and tugged at her drooping collar. "Tiff, can we just eat inside or something? It's way too hot and muggy for this."

"Fucking hell, Nik, you gonna let this freakish whore walk all over you?"

"Audrey," shushed the blonde, "there's little kids here. Look, Zoey, we don't mind sharing the space."

"That's not happening, Maye." A grimace. "Suki, stop poking at me!"

"B-but Zoey-senpai-!"

"Can't you see I'm busy resisting?"

"Yeah," Lillian echoed. "Gonna resist your sorry asses, bitches! We're the Dark Coven and we don't take shit from nobody!"

A buzz from Lillian's phone drew the goth's attention.

"Oh crap! Zoe, my mom's on the line! I totally forgot to call her last night!"

"Seriously?" Zoey shook her head. "Fine, Maye. We'll take our leave. Offer your prayers to the All-Mother that you were spared this confrontation with the Dark Coven. My sisters, we fly!"

In a last bit of spite, Zoey kicked over her dry ice cooler, spilling the contents over the gazebo floor. Maye's trio startled at the tidal wave of hissing steam, the perfect smokescreen for them to shove past the toxic white girls. _A stylish getaway,_ Zoey nodded, marred only by Suki sticking out her arms and making little airplane zooming noises.

Once they'd fled a safe distance, Lillian phoned up her family and Zoey found herself assaulted once more by frantic poking and tugging. "Suki, can you not see how triggered I am?"

"But senpai, those three girls are -"

"- are extremely problematic! I know that already and I don't want to hear any more about them!" Zoey squeezed her ears shut, desperate for release from the ringing. "Suki, if we're going to find that fairy, the blogger and the magical girl, you can't let yourself get distracted by pests like those three."

"Zoey-senpai, those three _are_ -!"

"Enough! Arrgh, I need to unwind. Girls, want to hit the comic book shop?"

"Hell yeah," Lillian whooped, "gotta pick up more paint for my mini-figs!"

"Wait, we can get manga?"

"Sure," Zoey sighed. "I'll buy whatever BL you recommend."

Suki's eyes gleamed, all prior thoughts deleted. "Yatta, let's go!"

The chubby blonde latched onto Zoey's left side and Lillian took an extremely close position on her right. The cybergoth witch sighed.

"Just keep your eyes open, you two. You never know when we'll find a clue that will lead us to the world of magic!"


End file.
